Pudding and Chopsticks

There was a time that a particular roommate and I would sit and polish off a bag of double stuffed awesomeness with massive lake size glasses of ice cold milk leaning over a counter and talking about the corresponding bond between male and females while agreeing to disagree. Those were the days. I haven’t drank milk in over 6 months. I love it too. It’s painful to think about. Up north yonder their milk was a little sketch. Down here in Dongguan (东莞) it’s not as bad. You can purchase the imported Aussie milk from cows and goats or something. I haven’t dived in yet, mainly because it’s super expensive. Probably the same price as in America, however you have to remember that I don’t make as much here. I also can’t find chocolate milk anywhere. At least the good stuff. I did find Hershey syrup. Oh that’s the ticket. Soon I think I will do a review with some Aussie animal milk and some Hershey black gold. Ok. Um So to get to the point, I took some photographs of some Oreos I pigged on the other day.

I think that they maybe imported or made for the Japanese market. Just a guess.

Can’t read most if not any of that. I’m sure it says something like, contains Oreo stuff, and fat.

There you are my beautiful. I knew that someday I would see you again. Looks like an Oreo, talks like an Oreo, smells like an Oreo, must be an Oreo.

Although they are Oreos these little bad boys have more in common with Asia then you know, mainly the fact that, as you can see, there isn’t much “junk in the trunk” if you know what I mean.

It’s kinda weird not being in the States for the fourth of July. But you know, I still get to stay in touch. I kinda miss …. well lets just leave it at that. There are many things that I did back home that I probably could get in trouble for. But anyway here I am in China. No fireworks, although I could go get some for cheap and light them off in the middle of the street and no one would blink an eye. But no, I am going to blog and tell you about a slice of Chinese life that I experienced the other day.

A pal and I were walking down a popular street the other day. It occurred to us that this street has a Dairy Queen on it. We bee lined for it and the air conditioning that it contained. Anyone that has gone to DQ with myself knows that I don’t joke around when it comes to my Oreo Blizzard. This is serious stuff. Since there is no way in H that I can say Oreo Blizzard in Chinese I had my pal order some. Big ones. I can remember hitting up A-basin the first month it was open and shredding the only hill in North America that had snow. My fellow Vail people and I would then hit up DQ for some much needed calcium. Ahh the good days in Colorado. Anyway, back to DQ in China. A large in China is a small in America. This sucks, but is also good. America is fat people. It’s true. Why, well, because when you order a large in America it comes in a 5 gallon bucket. Awesome… but not so awesome, if you know what I mean. So we took our Blizzards and had a seat in the back of the seating area near the bathrooms. Nice spot, cold air. About half way done with my little slice of heaven I noticed a mom holding a kid up to the sink. I could only see their back sides. Probably just washing his hands. The sink was pretty high. She then set him down and he looked like he wiped his hands on the front of his pants. Not big deal, do it all the time. Oh wait nope, he’s not done washing his hands, she lifts him back up and then I noticed it. He was actually peeing in the sink. His mom was holding him up to the sink so that he could them pee into it. I suppose that the bathrooms that were 5 ft from then were out of service somehow. Nice little slice of life in China, huh? It’s a little better then the clothes little kids wear with holes in the butt so that they can pop a squat next to a tree and do work while their mom looks on. Got to love it.

I leave you with a little roadside Chinese wisdom.. Happy fourth everyone. Stay safe, have fun, get out the welding gases.. Shhh. I didn’t say that.

Peace.

Would I be cheating on Kit Kats if I said that I might of found a new type of sweet to fall in love with. Chances are I would. Last time I was in China a year ago I found something that intrigued me. They have Oreos here, I’m pretty sure. But what they also have here is a decadent little thing called…. An Oreo Chocolate Wafer. At least I think that’s what it’s called. Not one hundred percent sure. In any case it’s mean. It’s nasty. It’s as good or better than a Kit Kat. You ever had those orange, pink, chocolate wafers you can get for cheap? Little wafers things with crème in the middle? Yeah. This is just like that but tastes just like Oreos. Dang, I think that I am in love.

Again we have a box. Much like the Kit Kat that came in the box the king size of the Oreos deals also come in a box. When you open in you will find 5 little Oreo Wafers staring you in the face whispering eat me, eat me. So you amuse them and pick one up. It’s wrapped in a plastic that much like the Kit Kat you can tear off super easy. I suspect that if it took more that half a second to do so Chinese people would be angry. Half of everyone here can’t wait to cross the road and go for it in the middle of traffic. Just my logic. So you tear the clothes off this sweet little innocent bar and you see the dark rich chocolate. Your not sure what it is going to taste like. You violate it, snap apiece off and place it in your mouth. The clouds part, a beam of sunshine radiates onto your face, and some cheesy religious music starts to play. You are in Heaven. The crème cuts the heavy chocolate flavor. It sticks to your teeth but you don’t mind, because you have dental from work. So you stick the rest of the wounded bar into your mouth. Again sunlight slaps you in the face. You repeat this until all five are gone. Your clothes are half torn off and you wonder, what just happened? You can’t remember. There is a 10-minute period that you can’t figure out what you just did. You go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. You see chocolate stains all over your lips. A puzzled look crosses your face. Your fingers are covered in the chocolate blood. You walk back to where you regained consciousness. The wrappers strung out all over, the evidence is clear. You just MURDERED five Oreo Chocolate Wafer bars and you feel good.