I’m not sure If I have written about this or not. Heck I can’t remember what happened yesterday. I think this has something to do with my superior intelligence. I can do massive calculations in my head but have the downfall of not remembering what I ate for lunch. All is well that ends well I guess.
So the topic of deortorant. Yes folks that’s right. No one in China uses this girlfriend getting product. I’ve met Chinese and Koreans that don’t even know what it is. When I explain it all I get is giggles. Go figure.
In case you were wondering if I use it, I do. I brought enough to last six months. At my current rate of consumption I should be able to stretch it out for ten if I am lucky. That’s when the parents come in. If I end up staying here for longer than six months and they ask me what I would like for Christmas, easy, ship me a case of deodorant please.
Yes, people stink because of the lack of anti-perspirants here. Is it the worst thing ever? Well, no, I’ve been to some bathrooms that put farms back home to shame. So it’s not that big of a deal. Unless of course you are hanging with an attractive female and she smells like she just got done running the 5K. Then we are going to have issues.
The heath and beauty area at the store has everything. Body wash, shampoo, conditioner, and all the name brand stuff, absolutely everything except deodorant. Weird. I know. Maybe this part of the world is allergic or something. Huh? So to put a long story short, you can’t find deodorant here, at all. Maybe just maybe in Beijing. I’m guessing. But maybe not.
This curtails into my next little topic of discussion. Armpit hair. I have it. I’m a guy. Guys have it. In America girls do not. Here, oh yeah you guessed it; girls got the bushes under the arms. Most girls are city and trim from time to time. Although every now and then you‘ll come across a backcountry girl. Get out the machete and start the trek through the Amazon. Is this gross, well, maybe. But when in China you have to expect the unexpected. So a little fuzz ditty fuzz under the arms is what it is. But if you can braid it into something and string a bead on it.. Bail.. son, bail….. Option “B,” get out the razor and show her what’s up, I highly encourage doing this to strangers. I’m sure they won’t fight you, but I’m no expert.
There is this thing that happens when I go out in public. I get stared out. Now, I know that I am a handsome guy and all but I don’t think that is it. It’s probably because I am the only white guy most of these Chinese have ever seen. There are a good amount of foreigners here in Shenyang, so I’m not sure if that’s it either. It might also be because I got more muscle then 3 average Chinese men combined (Excluding construction workers, those guys are beefcake.). But who knows. People look in my basket at the store to see what I am buying. Oh, what did the foreigner buy? Kids love to stare, old people stare, normal people stare. But whatever. It doesn’t bother me. I suppose that I understand. In America I would have said something smart like “take a picture it last longer” but here I don’t. For one I can’t come close to saying that in Chinese, and two, they probably won’t know what picture is nor the phrase. Cultural differences I suppose. My quick wit and sarcasm doesn’t go very far here. Blank stares and the words I don’t understand usually follow with the English speaking Chinese people I know. So what do I do to combat this staring initiative that has been placed on myself. I stare back. Nothing like staring at a person who stares at you. It’s like a gentleman’s duel. You start it I am going to finish it. Most of the time I win. They look away pretty quickly and go about what they were doing. Spitting a loogie or something. I also wave. Most of the time they freak out and act like they weren’t even looking at me in the first place. I got to thinking that just now I might be stared at because I have hair. Yes believe it or not. When I was meeting the kids for the first time at the school most of them pulled my arm hair and said something along the lines of “whoaa.” Yes kids, that there is man fur. I suspect they are interested because most of them are teenagers and don’t have hair. Hell, even grown ups in Asia don’t even have hair. Not that I’m Grizzly Adams or anything, but I am a fairly manly man. I ate my hot sauce when I was a kid. So yeah. I got hair. But anyway, whatever. People stare. In America it’s not polite. In China no ones gives two rat’s bums if they stare or not. So if you can’t beat them join them. If you end up being stared at by a few ladies, awesome, throw out a wink or two, make um blush.