Pudding and Chopsticks

If you are in China and need to purchase a new computer, I recommend a Mac. Why, well, because the Chinese have yet to hack it, or whatever.

Whenever I hook my pc up to the internet I get these pop ups that pop up when they want. I could be watching a movie, working, etc, but these little buggers will just have at it. I don’t even have to be doing anything. Not even on the internet, just connected to it. Just think of what they are snooping around in and collecting. They can make a ad pop up on the desktop of a pc without a browser open..

Anyway, it doesn’t happen with Mac, at least not yet..

Yep here I was watching a movie when bammm. there she popped up.. Oh did I mention it’s for girls.. anime sexy girls? WTF… ? With a hand over her.. uh.. White bread? Nice right..

So this is a little interesting piece of advise that no one tells you about before you come to China. When you are on vacation here you don’t really get to experience it but when you live and work here everyday you do.

Time spent not at work. It’s better for foreigners but for Chinese, or at least some of them it’s not really “their” time. I guess it has something to do with powerful people wanting to control everyone. Really I have no idea where this comes from. But here goes.

In the States, at least in my personal life and the people I know, when you are punched out you are done. That’s it. But here in China it’s not.

For instance, your boss want’s to treat everyone to dinner. It is strongly advised you go. Yes this happens in other countries including the States but it seems that here it’s really strongly advised. If not you are disrespecting him. Work could very well become harder and that raise, or promotion could be a long ways out. I guess all the jobs and people I met when I was in the States, wouldn’t put a employee in this position. I would also say that it maybe kinda illegal. But I can’t be sure on that. I’m sure it happens though.

I’ve known a few girls here that I have had big issues with. I say big but it’s par for the China course. I have made plans with them, days or hours in advance only to have them, at the last minute, sometimes while I was coming to get her, changed because their boss called a meeting. An off work hours meeting at the last minute and then dinner or some junk. Happens an awful lot.

Take last night for example. I had plans with a girl that I have been out with before. I dig her. She’s not really like most Chinese girls. But that would make sense because most normal Chinese girls would be caught hanging with a foreigner (more on that later). So we make plans to have dinner. I want to take her to this sushi place. It’s the best Japanese place in town that I know of. The day before we had to cancel our plans so this is like a make up game type of thing. Everything’s set. I then get a text saying that she has to cancel because her school has a meeting that she needs to go to. This really chaps my ass. Why can’t anyone tell anyone ahead of time. But that’s not China. We bounce texts back for a few minutes and she decides that she will not go. She had already made plans with me and she is going to stick with them. This is a good sign from a relationship point of view.

Anyway I rush home to get changed, and start heading out the door when she says that her manager wants to take her out to dinner. I was like what? You have plans. But this is China.. so plans, aren’t really plans. I do not want to meet anyone. Not to sound like some kind of hermit or bad person, but it’s tiring. Meet new Chinese guy it’s always the same thing and nothing to talk about. NBA, what you don’t watch it, but you are American. Nothing in common. They want to show me their wealth and what not. I don’t like it. Maybe if I would find some snowboarding, skateboarding, or some other alternative sport people here we could have something to talk about. But for the most part, I find it all too weird to sit down with new people here. In a intimate area, not like a bar. I then have to speak a second language in front of strangers, it’s freaky. This is besides the fact that most just want to see a white guy, or talk to one, or use English, or etc..I’ll get asked a bizzillion questions about where I am going to live and why I live her and they’ll probably totally c*ck block me. Good chance of that. Seen it happen. Chinese guys get awfully competitive around foreigners and really don’t like them taking “their” women. Again, seen it. Not saying all are like that but I’ve seen a few.

She wanted me to come and join them. I hemmed and hawed, why, because usually it’s because the Chinese guy wants to show off that he has money and can buy the white guy dinner or some BS. Had this happen a few times. It gives them instant respect to be seen with a white guy and all that bull s. Ok so maybe I’m making the white guy thing a big deal, but it’s surely not because he wants to know me. He doesn’t know who I am. I guess living here makes you suspect of everything and that puts negative thoughts in peoples heads. So of course I think he wants something..

So I go. Only because I wanted to see her and make her happy.  And when I arrive she says we can site at a different table. Which is weird because uh, why did you go to dinner with him and his daughter if you can site at a different table with me.

Anyway things turned out ok, but she dissed her boss which I feel bad about. We sat separate from them which meant that I didn’t want to sit with them which was a disrespectful move. But whatever.

She told me that she was waiting for the bus to come and meet me when her manager saw her. He asked her to come to dinner, she said she had plans with someone, the guy of course said to bring them along. I guess that he is a good person. I don’t know. Either he is a really good person and just wanted to take some people out to dinner or he wanted to flaunt his wealth. Maybe not consciously but that’s how it’s done here from what I can tell. Anyway, I guess I will probably never know.

But from my point of view he should of backed down after she said she had a prior engagement, this would be respecting her. But she felt so pressured into going with him that she also dragged me into it. But at least she knows that it’s a bad thing. I told her I understood but asked her how she was supposed to have her own life if she has to do these sort of things. What if she was married. Her response.. but he’s my boss.

Classic China. Not hating, just writing it like it see it.

So about that date. Oh, China you can be oh so different.

So here is how the night went. I was invited to so to a KTV, which is a karaoke place. So, well, to do that as a first date in the States is kinda out there in left field. Unless it’s big in your area I guess.

Anyway, it’s normal I guess here. I mean, at least going singing is. Going on first dates to a singing place, not sure if that’s normal or not.

So, I get there and there are three girls wailing away to some Chinese pop songs. I didn’t know how many people would be there. I met the girl and her friends. Everyone seemed pleasant enough.

We talked a little bit, but sang more. They kept trying to get me to sing, the problem is that I don’t know that many Chinese songs. I know a few, so I sang the ones that I knew. They also figured that I must be able to sing just about ever English song that they had on the computer system. Which I can’t. So that was a little awkward.

A couple hours after that, we bailed and everyone headed home. We didn’t get to talk much. It was more of a meet and greet to feel me out. So that she could get a feel for me and make sure that I wasn’t a murderer or anything.

I did get the usual questions. Do you plan on staying in China, you can’t can you? Which if I say no, then the date is over. Not much of a future in that. So I have to say yes and tip toe around that one.They were pretty relaxed around me. They are a little older, 24 and up. Usually young kids haven’t seem much, or interacted with foreigners so they act all weird. So that’s good, or bad depending on your perspective.

There weren’t that many language issues. They speak standard Mandarin. They aren’t locals so at least I didn’t have understand the studdering that the locals do. With meeting new people, in any country, there is always some getting used to the way they talk, the patterns, their word choice, etc. With meeting them they used some words that I don’t hear often, so, it took me a minute to figure out what they were trying to say. But that leads me to this.

They did do something every other Chinese person does and it drives me absolutely insane. At least this time I didn’t chew their asses for doing it. I was nice and calm. But made sure they knew what was up. I don’t know what to call it, but basically when you don’t understand something you usually would pause. Well, when you think about how to answer something, you also pause. So being a non-native Mandarin speaker, every-time you pause, the locals think that you don’t understand. So one of the girls asked me a question, I took 2 seconds to think about it, that was too long, she told the other girl to translate, and I then tell her I understand and I was thinking about it.

That was slightly awkward.

So really, she seems like a cool girl.

Hopefully we’ll hang again. And to be honest, I always wanted to make out with an art teacher.

So yeah, that is what a date, or first, blind type date is. A feeler. Probably a group date.

Good times

Since we are on the topic of dating, I guess I have another story to share.

I recently met a girl, whom I have been chatting with online. Which for those that do not know, if completely normal here. I just don’t want you to think that I’m some nerd that can’t have a real conversation in person. QQ is a chat program, like Skype, and if you don’t have one, they kick you out of China.

So she seems cool. A art teacher, which I thought was super awesome. She asked me to go out with her and her friends to a KTV. Which, in this context does not mean hookers and booze like it normally would.

It goes down tomorrow night. Everything seems legit. Oh wait, did I just say legit. Yep I did.

I talked with a wife of a friend tonight and told her that tomorrow I have a date. The first thing she said was “be careful.” Now think about this. When is the last time you knew someone that went on a first date with a girl or guy? When was the last time you personally went on a first date with a girl or guy. Now stop and think whether any of those times you actually thought you should be safe, or be careful.

Now I can say this. I’ll be generalizing but I don’t care. For the most part, on average in America you will not have to even think about being careful with a guy or girl. Yes there are times, but you are worried about that person as a person. Not about a place, or gang of people. But in China, you have to be, and as a foreigner, you really have to be. It’s like the wild west here. Especially outside the major city that have big expat populations.

So why did she say be careful. She says because China New Year is coming, Jan 29 or so, and there will be a lot of people trying to cheat and steal. Lot’s of thieves and swindlers you could say. So she says be careful. I think she said it last year too for some reason. Me being a foreigner I get targeted for this more often then not I’d bet.

Possible problems that could happen from what I have read, heard, or seen happen in China.

She could get me into the KTV with her friends, try to get me drunk, then rob me.

She could do the same as above then call some “big brothers” to beat me up and rob me.

She could have a deal made with the KTV that when the bill came it was enormous, and the KTV could make me pay, she would take a cut.

She could lead me down a dark alley and have some “big brothers” beat me up and rob me.

She could give me something to pass out and rob me.

She could take me into a place to eat and have something set up so that when the bill came it was way too much and they would force me to pay, she would take a cut.

She could make me pay and pay me back later with fake money.

Etc etc.

Now you may be thinking, Holy Sh*t, he is one paranoid person. Well, I’ve heard about pretty much all of these things happening in one form or another. But they usually have one thing in common. They happen in places with a large amount of foreigners. Takes time to put this together, and really, think of it as a robbery. There are the kinds that take real criminals that plan and target their victims and do it for a living. Well, I haven’t seen another white guy in a few months so, uh, not really a booming business stealing from the white guys here. I think in places like this it’s more opportunity. Oh he passes out with his wallet in is hand and it flopped open type of thing.

Not saying it couldn’t happen. Where I met her, how, why, and pretty much everything else leads me to believe that I shouldn’t have any problems at all. She won’t meet me alone because she is more scared of me than I am of her. It’s a common thing here. Group dates. No biggie. That and all the cute photos of her students painting and drawing on her QQ space. Which if you think about it would be the perfect cover story. Sweet innocent art teacher steals foreigners blind.

My biggest fear is face. If they pressure me to buy something and I don’t, or I can’t negate my way out of it, it could mean that I am cheap and well, girl’s don’t like cheap. Am I cheap? Depends. Are we talking about things that make me money or buying a fruit basket that costs 100USD so that I can show off my wealth and they can suck down passion fruit all night. Well, in that case, I most likely am.

I feel bad that I haven’t updated on this topic. I haven’t for a few reasons. I’m busy as all get out at work, and really there hasn’t been anything to update.

I got in contact with her and we chatted a few times online. Which is completely normal here. But whenever I would ask her a question she would just answer. And before you say that my questions were not open ended you would be wrong. She would never ask about me, or swing the conversation around, in fact, we never really had a conversation.

So I haven’t talked to her in a week or so. I probably will contact her and see if she wants to go for coffee or something. But she is super reserved. Doesn’t do much but watch TV and read, so she says. Which really, every Chinese girl will tell you the same thing, so, well, it could be true.

But why start a relationship with a girl that probably won’t want to move. I dislike this city with a passion. It’s food and it’s people. So, why marry someone that will give me both. Why even start talking to her. Maybe it was doomed from the start.

But give it a chance. Well, since when you say that you are talking like a Western perspective probably, in China, I would think that they wouldn’t even start something if they new it wasn’t going to work. Not worth the trouble. I’m guessing that from all the arguments I have at work about not doing something, and the conversations I’ve had with other girls. So, why go out if it will lead to no where.

Anyway, I’m curious as to what she looks like, so I’ll try to meet up with her anyways. If she can cook Sichuan food and wants to get the hell out of this city, well, at least we’ll have something to talk about.

So my apartment lease expires and my landlord contacted me about it. After that was all taken care of she then did what every other Chinese women does when she is married and has gotten a little older. She starts to hook people up. So she asks me if I have found a girl friend or not, yada yada yada.

I have not. There are multiple reasons, mostly because this city is the devil. But whatever. Maybe I suck. I’m blaming the city though. So I say no and she asks me what I am looking for. I give the standard Chinese answer. Good skin, not short, not tall, good disposition, smart, etc. All the things that make a good wife. She says that she has a friend that meets all of those. How lucky of me.

Let’s break this down. She only knows that I work in China. Speak Chinese, and am from America.

And she wants to hook me up. Probably wants to dump an older 30 yr old women on me. Because foreigners are not as interested nor are dead set on a girl under the age of 25. Chinese are. If she introduced me to a girl in her 30s it would mean that she didn’t get married, or is divorced and thus Chinese men would think she is defective in some way. Foreigners don’t think like that. But also she only thing that sets me apart from a Chinese guy is the fact that I am American. Which means that I have beautiful white skin, pretty eyes, and speak English. So could these be the only things that she is interested in? Well perhaps I am thinking too much.

She said that she wanted to treat her friend and I to dinner and introduce us. I had to say that I was a little too embarrassed to have that happen. Just think of the awkwardness if I couldn’t understand what they were saying. So I saved her face and told her to give the women my QQ number. So that’s all good.

We will see what the deal is. I am waiting for the women to contact me through this chat program so that we can.. well hell, I’m not sure. The Chinese way of dating is not to date.

Something like this. Meet girl, friends, engaged, married. yep. They DO NOT date around. So basically being friends with a Chinese girl and doing all the dating things that you would do with a girl in America would be like you are dating in America without sex. But dating in China is like being exclusive in America.. I know it doesn’t make sense. I don’t really understand it either.

Anyway. I’ll keep this updated because I know you are all dying to know what Chinese girls are like.

It’s 6:30 pm and I’m still drunk. At least for the most part. I’m watching Ktv girls walk into work. Aka, prostitutes. Well, I could be wrong. Some might be just hired guns that can drink.

I’ve been drunk for about 5 hours, maybe 6, I can’t remember. The power was shut off at the factory. In fact it was shut off to the whole area. Traffic lights off, factories shut down, mopeds not being charged, what better else to do but go drink.

We get a call at 11:30am not much past the time we find out that the power went off. The call confirms what we had thought all along. A drinking afternoon. Pretty much a given. The powers off, the factory can’t work, not much else to do but some male bonding. And that I did. The perfect chance to drink with the one person that my future relies on. The one person that controls my fate. The person that is in charge of getting me my next visa. And bond I do. I cheers him like I’m leaving for good tomorrow. Does he know what is going on, maybe, do I, for sure.

We arrive at the new restaurant about noon. A new place in a new development. The boss must know the owner, if not own it. I wouldn’t be surprised. It’s upscale but not too upscale. Of course we go the biggest room this establishment offers, I wouldn’t except anything less.

We are each given our own bottle of the local flavor, 400ml of 15% alcohol and shot glasses. At least this time we are given shot glasses. Beats downing entire regular glasses of this stuff. Now it’s beginning to feel a little like home. All I need is a pile of salt and a lime.

The duck tongues come out, along with veggies, meat, and other Chinese dishes. Nothing new really. I’ve become immune to Chinese food. Hell you could bring out bull nuts and I wouldn’t ink twice about gnawing on one. Just another day in the PRC.

The food is good, the company is good, the second bottle is down, the third has a dent in it and everyone is buddy buddy. We bail.

I get a girls number and start texting. Five texts in and she already wants to learn English. Why am I not surprised. Anyhow I sit typing this in a coffee shop. I could of either passed out, or went to town, I went to town. Not much else to do after your drunk and it’s 3 pm.

A little coffee and some Internet goes a long way to build a man’s self esteem. A rack of dumplings and here I am watching the girls go to work.

There is a singing joint not the third floor of the mall, the girls enter through the door right in front of me. Is this fate, hardly, I chose this seat for a reason.

Whether they sell their bodies is up for debate. Here they might not, it seems upscale, but the dirtier places, they do and for cheap.

Hell it’s almost seven and I’ve got to be getting home. Lots of nothing to be doing there. It’s kind of refreshing to be blasted in the afternoon. As if nothing really matters. Because really, if work can’t work and you -can’t work, why not. The day’s of the scotch in the office are gone. In the States at least. The 1950′s are over. Which is a shame really. Because I must say I enjoy the occasional afternoon binge..

I’ve written about this before but it has just been brought to my attention again.

Sitting right in front of me is a beautiful women. Not short, not tall, smooth skin, medium length silky dress, a small little purse, iPhone 4 and shiny pulled back brown hair. You ask anyone in America whether she is beautiful and they will probably say yes, you ask someone in China they will also probably answer yes.

So what’s odd about this girl, nothing to the untrained eye. I have different thoughts about this. One, yes, in America it’s the same, girls like nice things. In China it’s the same. Girls like nice things. But the difference is that in China most girls can not afford the nice expensive things.

This girl in front of me is undoubtedly sponsored. That’s what the foreigners here have coined as a phrase. Like the 1960s girls here are starting to hold high positions but for the most part rely on their husbands and men for monetary support. So there is no way in hell that this girl is single. If she is, for sure she has a close attachment to a man. A rich man, that supports her in some way or another. He could be her father, a lover, a husband, or boy friend. Hell she could even be a hooker that dresses nice on Sunday’s. I’m also not saying that she has not made this money herself. And if she has, she has investors that have helped her, again, male investors. But her demeanor points to the earlier. She is quite, shy looking, and not in control of the room like most business women in China are. If you want to play with the boys in business you better act like one. And she doesn’t.

Girls are just another way to show other guys that you got money. You got iPhones, iPads, bmws, etc. But you also have a smoking hot women with you. Just like the material things that show everyone what you are, and what you have, she does the same, except no one can have her but you.

Don’t hate me, hate the system. The system here in China is this way, just the way it is. One day I will find a girl that I think is attractive. And she will become my girlfriend. If we decide to get married she will probably quite her job. I will support her and she will probably become the topic of another white guys blog about how girls here are princesses and are spoiled.

Until then I can only hope.

That’s right. Really there is nothing else to do on a Sunday than drink coffee and sit around. Since I wouldn’t get anything done at home, and it’s rather boring, I come to Starbucks to people watch, listen in on people’s conversations, flaunt my feathers and drink Joe. So that’s about it. I got a Chinese mother in front of me that just got done breast feeding, no one cared. I got two dudes on my left, one with a Macbook Air. A couple on the right with Iphones, and a whole bunch of other people.

I know that I always say this, Iphone this, Iphone that but I want to give you the run down. The cheapest Iphone that you can get is 5880元or just shy of a G usd. The average wage is maybe 2000元. This would mean that the average person needs to save for something like 3-4 months and then spend the total sum on a phone. But here, where I am, and at Starbucks in particular, EVERYONE has one. And even some girls have effing 2 of them.

This can mean a few things. Probably their parents are rich. Really rich. Two they are second wives or mistresses, prostitutes, husbands are rich,  or they have a good job. Kudos to them. I bet the earlier. Their parents are probably rich, they have rich husbands, they are mistresses, and or prostitutes.

Now in the US saying that would be quite unbelievable. But here it’s different. Just think of this. You make like 100,000 USD a year. You can live for 5 USD a day. So what the hell do you do… Well, you get girls. Buy them expensive shit and then have fun. There are girls that will take advantage of this and think that nothing is wrong with it. I myself could give a rats ass. I just don’t want to find one myself like that.

More and more I want to find a wife and settle down. Maybe it’s because I got friends that are well on their way to having families or already have them. I’m getting older and am starting to want to, well, you know, do the human thing and mate.

So in front of me there is a beautiful women. Hell if I found one like her I would probably marry her. But here is the catch. Chinese girls that already have money are materialistic. Yes I am generalizing. But China is all about “Face.” The way you are perceived by others. So when you get a certain status you most likely don’t want to let that go. Thus, I’m guessing here, you have so much money, clothes and what not, you don’t want to go to a lower status.

So back to the girl. Well if she is at Starbucks you can assume a few things. One, she has money or is out with friends for a special occasion. Since she is only with one friend and she is older, chances are that she has money. I did also see a ring. So she is most likely married. She has nice clothes on, dressed like an upper class Chinese women. So, she is of a certain status and will not want to go down to, uh, me. Not to say I am a lower status but really, there are Chinese guys that make a lot more money than I do.

So here come a lot of generalization and what not but that’s all you can really do, generalize. So what you do is find a Chinese girl that has a good body and skin. All the features that you want. Good personality, doesn’t beat you or make you carry her purse. Next, and this is going to sound barbaric so bare with me. They will probably have no money. So basically you train them to what you want them to be. There is a good chance that they will want to make you happy so you can steer them to what clothes you want them to wear, shoes, etc. If you got money and you spend it, they will probably too. If you teach them to be frugal they will probably stay that way.

Yes this sounds barbaric, maybe it’s wrong, bad, terrible, but that’s how it’s done here. It’s skewed because I am white and am of a different class. But for the most part if you got money the women will not make anywhere close to what you make. You will probably buy her everything and can then choose what you want her to be. Now this isn’t completely true. I know a couple that are married and he had done some of this. But she also trained him. So I guess it’s a trade off.

But if you ever find a girl that you think is hot, has the clothes, the phone and everything else. There is no way she can by herself afford these  things so she is trained to a certain extend. If not already taken. If her parents gave her the goods, you bet they got more money than you.

Now before my friend from Leadville reads this and puts me in a head lock next time she sees me, this all flies out the window when you are in love. I think a bunch on this stuff but usually never follow through with it. But who knows. Just remember. If your white, got money, and can’t speak Chinese you are only going to get a particular type of girl…. I hope you got a fat wallet.

I would like to share some insight into what the life of a 22 year old Chinese girl is like. Well at least the one I know.

She wakes up probably at somewhere around 7am or earlier. She has to leave for work. A 10 minute walk from her apartment where she lives with 12 other girls. I’ve seen her apartment. There are two rooms. The one where she sleeps has four girls living in it. Four beds made up of the personal items of her coworkers. Pink sheets, pillows, teddy bears and clothes. The bare cement floor I can only assume is freezing cold all day long. But they have heat, better then most. The other room, bigger room has eight girls living in it. Both rooms only have a bed sheet to separate them from each other. I’m sure that there is only one bathroom.

The living room has a small table and mini chairs. They probably only use them when they wash their clothes by hand. They have no washing machine nor dryer. It doesn’t matter much because the apartment isn’t used for anything much but sleeping.

She gets up at about 7, maybe earlier, I’m sure that she doesn’t take a shower, but maybe she does. There are five or more girls that leave at about the same time and I’m sure that there isn’t enough hot water to go around. She probably washes her hair and gets ready. She makes the 10 minute walk at 8:15 am to be at work by 8:25. She clocks in at 8:30.

There are days, usually at the beginning and the end of the month when she doesn’t eat lunch. She doesn’t have time to. From what I gather she has to write reports, money and supplies go in and out. The reports have to be in at the end of the month. She usually eats dinner at work. She gets off work at 5pm. But she can not leave. They don’t pay her to stay but she has to. She has to wait until the next person that does her job comes in and makes sure that she did her job correctly. Last night she was there until a little after 7pm. She stopped getting paid at 5. There are times where I’ve talked to her at 9 at night and she still hadn’t left work.

When she does leave work she heads back to the apartment. A 5-10 minute walk. Usually with a coworker. It’s dark, and her job isn’t in the middle of the city. She arrives back at her apartment and washes her clothes and maybe takes a shower. Not all the girls are there at the same time. Some work a second shift type schedule. She watches tv and maybe reads. Goes to bed early, 9pm, maybe 10pm and then starts the next day the same. 6am maybe 7am she gets up.

She gets 4 days a month as rest. She can pick them. But she gets only four. Maybe she takes some Sundays off, maybe a Tuesday too.

In her spare time when she has rest, a day off, she heads to her aunts house. It’s her closest family. Her mom and dad live in a different province, a 24 hour bus ride away. She goes to her aunts house 30min away and sleeps.

Day before yesterday, China’s biggest holiday, I called her. I was watching the biggest gala of the year on tv. The lunar new year. China New year. She was sleeping, at 8pm.

When she has rest, she sleeps, when she is not at work, she sleeps. She is always tired.

There are many things I wish I could communicate to her, but most are even hard concepts to discuss in English.

How are you going to live a life like this? How can you find a husband when you are always tired, never want to go out and have fun, never have time to have fun?

I’m sure that her family is hounding her about finding a husband and getting married. The typical Chinese way. At least she has a twin sister and a older brother. Something that is very rare here. Her family surely had to pay a fine for having her and her sister. Because of the one child policy. Her brother, her and her sister will be responsible for taking care of the elderly in the family. At least she has an older brother to do this. There is no retirement in China. So the young take care of the old. For some there is no other reason to have children but to only secure your future.

For her efforts she gets about 274 USD. Not bad. Her company pays for her rent, at least as far as I know. She buys clothes and does what she wants for the most part. I am probably correct in the fact that she probably saves most of it. Sends some home to her family.

When I first met her she had the raddest smile. Full of life. But I’ve watched it drain from her for the past 3 months. Why, I am not sure. I can only assume it went something like this and I don’t pretend to know what really is going on but I can speculate. I know some of this for fact but as to the bigger picture of what is going on with her, I’m not sure. She won’t tell me.

She has had 2 boyfriends. One for 3 yrs and 1 for 6 months. She’s getting older, needs to start thinking about settling down. She has gotten burned twice and doesn’t want to have that happen again. Her previous boyfriends have both told her she is too much of a kid. Acts too silly or childish. She can’t stand the feeling of breaking up. So she doesn’t start anything with anyone. She hates falling in love because she can’t take the breakups.

Along comes a guy who is nice, different, etc. She is full of life, fun, smiles. Then a month later, she starts to get sad and depressed. I can only assume it’s because her friends have found out about this guy and who he is. They have all said that he is bad, and will just hurt her. Because most of these guys do, but more importantly it’s what is depicted in the movies. Her friends probably don’t even know anyone like this guy. But they are full of whatever pride they have and spread the rumors that are online. Unfortunately most are true.

Her hopes, if she has ever had any, are crushed. She realizes that she started to like him but wasn’t sure about him. She listens to her friends and maybe even family. Now she has an internal struggle about what to do. She wants to make sure that anyone she meets will be the guy she marries. But no guy wants to wait around for this. Think of it like this. In the America we will date, and doing that we find out enough things about someone, where we then say, ok, let’s become exclusive or boyfriend/girlfriend. Well imagine if you wanted to skip that and just go to marriage, or the decision at least. You have to find out enough about someone that you would marry them, then you could become bf/gf. How long would it take? Would you wait that long for someone to pick you?

She wants to just get married because she doesn’t want the breakup, at least probably. She wants to make sure that he is the one. Then she will become bf/gf. The problem is how can she do that with the life that she has. She has no time to go out, when she does she just goes to the aunt’s house and sleeps. It’s possible that she is beginning to realize this. Will a guy even wait that long. Probably not. You don’t wait in China. You can’t. It’s the same with business here. You have an opportunity, you go for it. You wait, the opportunity passes. She waiting and maybe things are passing. I’m not sure.

This is a Chinese life. A typical Chinese girls life.