Pudding and Chopsticks

A buddy of mine just had a mixed baby with a Chinese women.

Super cute. I took a bunch of photos. Here are a few.

Here you have a photo of a Jaguar XJ. A car priced in the States at 72,000- 120,000. Probably around double or at least 150% in China.

So what’s odd about this photo? That’s right. This dealership didn’t have the brains to make a sticker for each side. Instead they made a sticker for one side of the car (the other side) and then stuck the same sticker on this side of the car, mirrored, backwards. So the word Jaguar and the Chinese is backwards and unreadable. Well, I suppose that you could read it.

Also a nice little touch is that Hello China sticker on the window. Got to love it.

I might be generalizing but I would imagine that us Americans would consider this guy an A-hole, but in China, he’s just a normal ordinary guy.

This was on the bus that picks you up from the plane and takes you to the terminal. The bus was packed, but this little gem thought he would take up two seats because, hell, I don’t know. But not one person said a word. I thought about throwing my ass down next to him but I was too tired. Next time.

Sometimes I like the fact that I can do what I want, but sometimes I hate it when other people do what they want. Double standard but whatever.

There is one thing I do not like. I have just recently found this out since I’ve been in China. I don’t like people laughing at me. At all.

Why do I bring this up, well, this morning I had another, yes another run in with this girl. She is a coworker, is high strung, can’t speak English and hounds me for paper work all the time. This paper work I have no idea that it is or where to get it. I recently became a manager of some sort and well, got thrown into the fire. Which is ok because I just do whatever I want anyway. But she keeps asking for paper work or something and yada yada yada. Beats me. But she speaks Chinese, and in my opinion it’s horrible. Terrible. It’s not standard Chinese. She has too much of her local dialect mixed in. So I don’t understand it. Then she speaks really fast. Acts like I’m stupid when she talked to me and then laughs. This time is was in the office with a bunch of people. They also started laughing.

As much as the are on saving face she doesn’t seem to care about mine. I told her to send me an email in Chinese and them I can translate it super quick and find out what the hell she is talking about. But it seems that it’s beyond her to actually do that.

So it seems that my intelligence is being based on my Chinese speaking ability. She can’t comprehend that I have only been here two years and have smoked most people who try to learn the language.

Anyway I turned and walked out of the office and slammed the door. It’s funny that the minute that I laugh at them for their English sucking or not being able to speak it at all they understand why I am angry, but the minute I can’t speak Chinese.. They laugh. Double standard. Oh, that’s a good expression. I’ll have to find a translation for that.

Really, crossing the street in China is easy, unless you are white. Then it becomes a circus. Let me explain.

I was on a major road today and I needed to cross. I waited for the green light and proceeded to cross the six lane road. But why is it so hard to cross this road, because I am white. Yes that’s right I said it, because I am white.

So how does my skin color effect such a simple activity. Because whoever sees me while driving either A: slows does to be extra careful, B: slows down because I am the first white guy they have ever seen, or C: slows down because they want to know if I need a ride.

Taxis stop in front of me, cars are spaced wrong because everyone is driving slow looking at me, people turning in front of me slow way down and take their time, all causing me to miss the light and have cross traffic proceed to cross in front of me.

Either way I made it finally.

If I was Chinese cars would by flying by me at mach 10, cutting me off, etc. But I would of crossed the street 3 minutes faster.

Dang it, that 3 minutes cost me money.

Some notes about Guanxi in China via Silicon Hutong

First, to translate “guaxi” as simply “relationships” is a dangerous oversimplification, particularly when proffered to someone unfamiliar with Chinese culture. First, guanxi are tiered, based on a Confucian hierarchy: familial relationships, long-term friends, classmates, and schoolmates are the nearest ranks, and to those no stranger – Chinese or foreign – will ever have access. At best we are relegated to outer rings like colleague, in-law, business partner, or acquaintance. There are exceptions, like Sidney Rittenberg, but he is the rara avis that proves the rule.

Second, guanxi are personal and non-transferable, they are not enterprise. There is no way to hire someone and have him hand over his guanxi to the company. You want the guanxi, you keep the employee. That’s why China’s princelings, the offspring of senior Party cadres, have sinecure. Consultants who hawk guanxi are simply renting their relationships, they know it, and from such realities are retainers made.

Third, guanxi involve mutual obligation. If you use someone in your company with guanxi to get assistance from an official, there is an implicit quid pro-quo, hence Richard’s concerns about the coziness of guanxi and corruption. Further, few westerners understand that there are complex social obligations involved in such relationships, your average Chinese executive would sooner burn his employer than his close connections.

Fourth, guanxi die. Or get sacked. Or retire. Or get transferred. Or quit and go into business. They are ethereal, fleeting, and in constant need of regeneration, repair, and re-creation. They are not forever.

Fifth is the hammer-nail problem: the people your employee or partner knows may not be the exact right people to get things done, but that’s who they know, so that’s who they use. When that happens, watch the oversold connection drop the ball, or get smacked. I have watched it happen, and it is not pretty.

Or they may just limit you. I know of a western media company with no special unique advantage in the market that is doing well in exactly one province: the place they have guanxi. They’re happy with how they’re doing in that one province, but they have been utterly unable to scale their business: they’ve been hemmed in by their relationships.

Finally, it is worthwhile noting that guanxi today are of declining importance for most businesses. The scope of industries in which it is necessary to cultivate exclusive ties at a high level is declining over time.

Business fundamentals first, second, and third. Special relationships only to the extent necessary.

Yep that’s a pretty good explanation. To read the rest of the post visit the website. Silicon Hutong

In fact I should just start a Chinese food blog. That would be awesome. If only I had time. Anyway here are some photos of a dinner I went to one night.

The start. Always with the beer.

Some weird brand beer.

Pork.

Sorry mom. These bad boys are almost better than your Christmas cookies. I could eat them forever.

Pork with little domes of bread. Awesome.

The place.

Well, learning Chinese. My thoughts and ideas.

First let me tell one of the reasons I came to China was to learn a second language. I always wanted to speak something other than good ole English. So why not Chinese. If you going to go for totally crazy than yeah awesome.

My goals with learning Chinese are not unlike other goals I set for myself. Totally out there. I mean, I would like to be native. But really, I think the word native habors a little, well, born and raised aspect to it. But nontheless I would like to speak Chinese like a Chinese person. It’s going to take a bit but someday.

Will this benefit me, No. Kind of. Only in China. Maybe I could find a job outside of China where in I would need to speak Chinese but that would be rare. So I do plan on being here for a bit. If not to learn Chinese then to expand my perspective on life and all the philosophical Goobly gooby gook. All Chinese now have to study English in school and most suck at it. This means that really, English is going to take over.

These are from a blog I found a bit ago. The site is here.

Why Learning Chinese Could Be a Waste of Your Time

1. Many Well Educated Chinese People Would Prefer to Speak to You in English – Even if your Mandarin is better than their English
2. Little Applicable Value Outside of China - Most mid to upper level Chinese managers speak okay to great English. The only people you typically need Mandarin to communicate effectively with in a business environment is low level management. If you aren’t stationed in China, then, knowing Chinese won’t help you much in communicating with most Chinese companies.
3. Possible Negative Market Value – To really be able to use your Mandarin, you’ll need to move to China, where you may have to take a large pay cut to get a job in which being fluent in Chinese would be an asset. This quote from the economist article linked above sums up things nicely:
   

   Within China companies can hire an expatriate who speaks Chinese. Or, more often, they take their pick from an abundant supply of local graduates in English who are happy to work for 2,000 yuan (£130) a month. “I took an 80% pay cut to come here because I wanted to learn the language,” says Ken Schulz, a software engineer from Silicon Valley who studied Chinese full-time for four years at Beijing’s University of Language and now works in the capital at WorkSoft, an outsourcing firm. “I’m the only foreigner in an office of 1,200 people, and I hardly get any opportunity to use my Chinese.”

4. Huge Opportunity Cost – To really learn Chinese well, including reading and writing, you need to spend years studying intensively. These are years in which you could learn several romance languages or another skill set or perhaps even a profession.
5. Non-Negligible Maintenance Costs - Even though I speak Mandarin when dealing with customers, read a Chinese magazine / newspaper daily, watch a bit of TV, and speak almost exclusively in Mandarin with my girlfriend (and some friends), my Chinese skills are slipping. It takes a lot of effort just to maintain, nonetheless improve, your Chinese.

Do I Regret Learning Chinese?

No, but from a practical standpoint there are many things I could have done with my time to get into a better job and develop a skill-set that is worth more on the job market. Learning Chinese was a good move for many other reasons, just not the ones that have to do with making money or getting a better job.

The author above states some good opinions.

1. Yes I agree. However we are talking about international companies that at global. Big companies in China that do not need to be international probably do not speak English. Factories and such. But there are people, I’ve met them that want to speak English to you whatever it takes. You start speaking Chinese to them, they speak English to you. They want to prove that they are just as smart or smarter then you for speaking English. It becomes a war. I hate it, but it comes with being in a foreign country.

2. True. Think about it. Where the H would you need Mandarin outside China. Not many places. You have effectively cut out a good percentage of the world. Or have you. Maybe not. Who knows, no one really. But odds are that you are not going to be able to use your killer Mandarin skill outside of China.

3. Yeah kind of. This dude that came here to learn Chinese. Well, he probably didn’t have a job while he was learning it. I do, I may learn it slower, but I guess that I’ll have a paycheck. After learning Chinese your market value could go up, at least in China.

4. You could be doing better things than say, studying, and living in China. It takes time to learn and master during which you could learn how to make rockets that go to the moon. Either way.

5. This is probably going to be me. However, I do get a kick out of talking to random people on the street.

All and I enjoy learning something new. I’ve found out that I need new things to keep awake in life. In Chinese there is something new everyday.

Recommendations.

If you want to drop everything and do something new, bail and get to China. Learn some Chinese.

If you want to really learn Chinese, you going to have to be here for a stint. 5 years, 8 years, who knows. But it’s going to be a bit. Long term commitment.

If you deal with China come here for a month then leave, and repeat. Yeah learn some Chinese. Basics. Bathroom, food, beer, hello, good morning, take off your clothes (kidding), daily things. I would spend the most time on studying the culture as a whole. The philosophy of Asians, China, and so fourth.

Being able to talk to a perspective business partner is important, but not as important as how he is screwing you because you haven’t read The Art of War, or know his negotiation tactics. In this case finding as much information on the thinking of the Chinese businessmen would be more important then studying about how to say you like his hair. Just my thoughts anyway.

Learn the customs, what not to say, do, gift giving, receiving, etc. Then after you got a handle on that, you can fill in with some more Chinese. Body language and actions are just as important as words. They will think you don’t know because you can’t speak Chinese. This could be an advantage.

There are a ton of sites out there to help. I like to pretend that I am smart and go to MIT. So there is a link to free Chinese course from MIT.  HERE

Me, I just go for it. Why not. So as they say in China, 加油 or add gas, in other terms my Grandma would say, Light a fire and get a move on.

Have fun.

Last night I’m 97.4% sure that a lightning bolt smoked one of the lightning rods on the building. Cause a bright flash and a thunderous crack that set off most all of the car alarms.

Ok, down to business. With the whole face thing, remember? One of the ways someone shows social status is to flip money. I’m not sure if it’s done on purpose or if it’s a subconscious thing. But this is how it’s done. Let’s say that I am at McDonalds and I am with a hottie that I picked up at the club. We are getting some after club fries or something. How do I impress this girl, easy, when I have to pay for my 8$ fries I fling a 100$ bill at the employee like I wipe my butt with them. Oh, what’s this, a 100$ bill, junk, I didn’t know I had that, oh well, who cares. That’s right honey, I just flung the biggest bill you can have in China to pay for our golden hot 8$ fries. How about you come to papa..

Old women do it, men do it, kids do it. I think partly because they aren’t taught values that westerners are taught, and thus don’t move their hand another 3 inches and partly because it shows that money has no meaning to them. Therefore they are swimming in piles of it at home.

Even though it may be the last dollar in their pocket, they’ll still cart wheel that bad boy like they’re going to the strip club with a thousand dollars in ones.

I bring this up because I saw an old women today at the store count out 6 bills or so. She flung each one on the check out counter and the cashier picked up each one after it fell. Totally normal. But, I wonder if they think it’s weird, or they really like it, when I roll in and give then the exact amount all at one time and do it with a smile. Nah, probably think I’m crazy. Time to start flipping bills.

Well actually that’s what you are supposed to do and I feel like I am the only one in China that does it. Of course I value my life. It’s not like the Chinese don’t, they just tend not to look.

I’m at an intersection waiting for some cars to go by so that I may proceed in crossing the road in a safe manner. A group of people blow past me into the road without looking, the cars slows down, honk their horns, swerve, and go around. What did the group do, well, they keep talking and slowly walk to the other side. I waited 15 secs and proceeded on my marry way. Is this in indication of Chinese as a whole. I don’t have a clue. Maybe.

I hear a bunch of horns honking. I turn to see two cars turning out of a side street. They are waiting to turn right. There are cars coming from the left but they can’t see them because a massive dump truck wants to turn right down the side street. However there isn’t enough room for the two vehicles side by side. So the car turning out has to do so first. But the dump truck driver doesn’t seem to want to wait. He’s on the horn like it helps fight malaria, inching closer and closer to the car. The car finally just goes. I don’t understand why the dump truck driver couldn’t just put his turn signal on and wait on the side of the road for the cars to exit and then turn in. Makes perfect sense to me.

I’m at McDonalds getting myself the goodness of a Chocolate Sunday. I roll up and wait behind some people in line. A few girls roll up, don’t even look at me, and proceed to talk about menu and cut. I have to basically dry hump the people in front of me to get an elbow in so that these girls don’t take my spot. I then stare them down. They see me and act surprised like oh, didn’t see you there, the only white guy in 25 miles, with a lime green shirt, and is taller then most everyone in here. My bad, please order your ice cream goodness.

Oh I got more. Somewhere, I just can’t recall. Oh here’s one. I was looking at soda today at the store and I hear a “hello.”  Some Chinese guy thought it would be funny when he was passing the isle to say the only English word he knows how to say.

As I was coming out of the store a couple cute girls where walking down the mall area. One happened to see me and totally stopped and told her friend. I am assuming that she said “Oh my goodness, look at this hunk of a white guy coming towards us.” I can only speculate. When I reached them, they were still staring. I couldn’t help it. I had to say something. “Oh my god, a foreigner is coming,”  I think I might of blew their minds. He speaks. AHHHHH.

Well anyway.