Pudding and Chopsticks

So my apartment lease expires and my landlord contacted me about it. After that was all taken care of she then did what every other Chinese women does when she is married and has gotten a little older. She starts to hook people up. So she asks me if I have found a girl friend or not, yada yada yada.

I have not. There are multiple reasons, mostly because this city is the devil. But whatever. Maybe I suck. I’m blaming the city though. So I say no and she asks me what I am looking for. I give the standard Chinese answer. Good skin, not short, not tall, good disposition, smart, etc. All the things that make a good wife. She says that she has a friend that meets all of those. How lucky of me.

Let’s break this down. She only knows that I work in China. Speak Chinese, and am from America.

And she wants to hook me up. Probably wants to dump an older 30 yr old women on me. Because foreigners are not as interested nor are dead set on a girl under the age of 25. Chinese are. If she introduced me to a girl in her 30s it would mean that she didn’t get married, or is divorced and thus Chinese men would think she is defective in some way. Foreigners don’t think like that. But also she only thing that sets me apart from a Chinese guy is the fact that I am American. Which means that I have beautiful white skin, pretty eyes, and speak English. So could these be the only things that she is interested in? Well perhaps I am thinking too much.

She said that she wanted to treat her friend and I to dinner and introduce us. I had to say that I was a little too embarrassed to have that happen. Just think of the awkwardness if I couldn’t understand what they were saying. So I saved her face and told her to give the women my QQ number. So that’s all good.

We will see what the deal is. I am waiting for the women to contact me through this chat program so that we can.. well hell, I’m not sure. The Chinese way of dating is not to date.

Something like this. Meet girl, friends, engaged, married. yep. They DO NOT date around. So basically being friends with a Chinese girl and doing all the dating things that you would do with a girl in America would be like you are dating in America without sex. But dating in China is like being exclusive in America.. I know it doesn’t make sense. I don’t really understand it either.

Anyway. I’ll keep this updated because I know you are all dying to know what Chinese girls are like.

So for the most part Western countries only hear about how China gives foreigners the run around. Mainly because Chinese people don’t really have a vehicle in which they can speak of such matters. I found this on Chinahush which found it on a Chinese writers blog. It was originally posted in Chinese and was translated after.

In July, me and my husband visited HK for the book fair. And recently I needed to go on a trip to Hong Kong again. Knowing that the second time to apply for HK entry permit, you can just fill a form online and mail the permit certificate to your registered police department for approval. So I mailed both of our certificates to respective departments since my husband’s from Chenzhou City Hunan Province, and me Changde City Hunan Province.

Weeks later, my husband got his permit approval, and I got a call telling me that my application was rejected because Changde people could only apply HK entry permit once a year.

The call hung up before I could ask why. So we called the immigration department of Changde City, a man explained to me on the phone that the one-time-only limitation was because Changde has the biggest percentage of Hunan people involving in illegal activities in HK, and if one really needs to go to HK, he must go to the registered police department in person presenting group traveling certificate or other proves to apply, but not necessarily succeed.

I questioned: “Is it reasonable to ban all Changde people from entering HK again just because the number of illegal activities involve with Changde people is high?”

“I don’t know, I am just doing my job.” He replied in Changde accent.

“For so long you work there, hasn’t any other Changde people filed complains?”

“I can’t do nothing about it, it exists so it is reasonable. You have to understand that there is region difference. For example, do our Hunan kids share the same enrolling standards with Beijing kids when they are applying for the same college? Big difference! And you know that in Hunan, only Changsha people can apply for individual HK & Macao entry permit, people from other cities have to go the group traveling way.”

Then I asked: “You are from Chengde too, right? Put yourself in my shoes, if you are the one who needs to go to HK, can you appreciate this kind of rationale?”

He still talked in our shared accent: “I don’t know you are really inquiring or interviewing, if you don’t have other questions, I think our conversation should be ended.”

We went on calling the immigration department of Hunan Province, and a woman explained that the provincial police department didn’t rule how many times a person can apply for the permit, it is up to the city level police departments.

I felt confused at this answer, and recalled what I wrote last time after applying for passport “in this country, there are countless people like this, working their ass off to fill your life with misery”. But this time it is different, it is not because of irresponsible people, but chaotic management system. Provincial don’t specify the rules, so city level police department puts forth whatever regulations and rules they see fit? In a big country like this, to deal with various authorities is just like facing a mountain of barbed linen – there is no way to start and you get hurt trying. Seeing my husband making inquiries everywhere, being pissed, disappointed by people at the other end of the phone, I feel sad.

This is what it’s like to do just about anything in China. You see that the local police actually made the rule that people from Changde and only go to HK once per year. It was not China’s overall government. It wasn’t the provicial government. It was the local city government that was making a rule that people from that city could only go to HK once per year. Yes that actually happens and happens with everything. Sometimes if can work in your favor, but other times like this one, it works against what you need to do.

Then there is the aspect of the workers. In their defense it is likely they are just doing their job and don’t know. But other times they just don’t want to deal with people that start to ask questions. The first person hangs up on her. They don’t want to deal with it. The second person, the guy, gets a little uneasy when she starts asking as to why things are like this. Then the conversation is pretty much over.

Yes sometimes it feels like there is a country full of people’s sole purpose is to piss you off and make it as hard as possible to do anything. You personally don’t offer anything to them. They get paid either way. You complete your task or not, they get paid. Your happy or sad they still get paid. Their boss probably doesn’t give a shit whether or not they did their job. They care that their boss is happy not you. So basically there is no incentive for anything in China. Thus is why you have to bribe people. Then that frowny faced skinny guy across the counter has a reason to actual help you. He personally is getting paid.

And life goes on..

I’ve thought about this in the past and just got reminded of it again today. I thought I would share some thoughts on it.

I was looking at jobs today in the creative field. Mostly for sh*ts and giggles but you never know. Anyhow I like how these employers write these requirements. They read like they are looking for superman. Disclaimer: I have not lived in one of the three major cities in China. Beijing, Shanghai, or Guangzhou. I’ve lived close to Guangzhou but not actually in it. So I really don’t know if what I am about to say is true. However, I can speculate a little from what I do know and what I have personally seen.

Take for instance this job titled: Gallery Manager.

So the requirements:

• Must sell art, follow up, and maintain relationships with collectors around the world
• Always available to travel around the world
• Will be required to handle extremely tough negotiations with suppliers, shippers, and temporary services in the Shanghai economy.
• Well-studied in Chinese art history and Chinese art techniques
• Can write fluidly about contemporary and traditional art
• The applicant should be Singaporean. Mandarin should be the mother-tongue and English should be fluent
• Takes care in physical appearances
• 3 years minimum experience in the art field
• Strong leadership; Electric social skills; Very detailed
• Polished, polite, and quick

So not bad right. You are a sales person and are required to act as such. But you also have to negotiate. Fine. Sounds good.

But really. They need a Singaporean that speaks mandarin, and is fluent in English. Has studied Chinese art history and techniques. Also has already had three years experience, and is willing to travel around the world and can write about art with no problem.

Wow. I don’t know how many people fit this. There are about 100,000 foreigners in Shanghai that are not American, Taiwanese, or Japanese. So, uh, out of say 100,000 people you need one that fits above. And then that person has to be Singaporean. I do realize that if a person read this job add they could move from say Beijing to Shanghai, but that doesn’t always happen. So really, personally, it’s going to be slim pickings for this company. But really, I don’t know. I could be totally wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time.

How about this one: Graphic and web Designer.

______ seek a Graphic & Web Designer to join their Shanghai team. The successful candidate will work across the three companies three brands: design and architectural branch, _____; sport and fashion/ product design company Nautisail; and Beyond Water, a well established design company with strong expertise in waterfront developments. Responsibilities will include:

• Design web and print material which are effectively in tune with brand identity, both internally and externally and including the production of pamphlets, brochures, newsletters, stands, websites, e-mail marketing campaigns and other online vehicles as assigned such as blogs and social media tools
• Contribute to the development of storyboards and prototypes for planned site enhancements, new site development and special projects related to _____’s web presence and propose solutions to enhance the user experience in different languages and technologies for improved site development productivity and/or presentation
• Coordinate with suppliers to concept, design and define code enhancements for improved site development productivity and/or presentation
• Manage design changes to the websites and design elements with development projects for web media
• Identify and troubleshoot Search Engine Optimization issues with Content Management Systems (CMS) and other dynamically generated websites
• Support web analytics and search marketing reporting
• Work closely with marketing and communications manage
• Experience in producing various forms of media, such as video and Flash banners as well as knowledge of JavaScript and/or other programming languages would be beneficial
• PC experience preferred
• Bachelor or Master Degree in graphic design and/or web development or related field
• Chinese native speakers are strongly preferred
• Able to communicate in office working language of English
  (both written and oral skills are demanded)

Alright let’s break this down. They need a web designer for, what I am guessing is foreign products. You have to design all the things listed. Then you have to be in touch with suppliers to design etc for site development. SEO related items, which I must say are mostly in English. Work with marketing and communications departments. Work on PC. have a BA or Masters. Have to read and write English.

Ok really? You have to be Chinese. Have a Masters or BA in design and read and write English. Now, again I admit I don’t really know but to me that seems a little out there. I personally have not met any creative Chinese people. Well, one maybe. I’ve met awesome Koreans and Japanese but no native Chinese creatives that were actually creative. Again, I don’t get out much soo… Not to mention that if they are designing for a foreign market, well, that seems a little illogical doesn’t it.

Maybe there are people out there right now that fit this bill. BUT then why the hell did you post this on an English job site. Really. For real. This job site is entirely in English and as far as I know does not take job posting from other places. You actually have to go here and fill in the information. I bet the company doesn’t know where to find a Chinese job site to post this on. Maybe they do and just thought that they would post it on an English on for good measure. Beats me. I find it interesting. Maybe they are just aiming high. Probably.

And the last one I randomly chose to post here and comment on.

Chinese Mandarin – 中文 – Basic
English – 英文 – Fluent

Job Details

Design Director工作职责:
- Provide creative design solutions in conceptual design stage.- Able to use sketch or CAD to fully express design ideas.

- Good communication skills.

- Profound knowledge on construction of projects.

- Able to work independently.

- Design team leading ability is preferred.

在概念设计以及深化阶段提供有创意的设计方案。能够使用sketch或CAD软件，充分表达设计理念。
良好的沟通技巧。对植物和项目建设有渊博的知识。能够独立完成工作。具有设计团队领导能力者优先。

工作要求:
Degree above on Architect、Inner Design、environment art design, or related major.  建筑、室内、环境艺术设计或其他相关专业本科及以上学历。

Minimum 7 years experience in design. 主创设计师至少7年的设计经验。

Creative design solutions. 极富创意的设计方案。

Rich project design experience, good communication skills. 丰富的项目经验，良好的沟通技巧

At least 3 years’ experience in China Architect、Inner Architect design or inner design project is a must. Familiar with China local planning codes / Design market will be priority. 至少拥有三年的中国国内建筑设计、室内设计项目的经验，熟悉中国当地规划模式，了解中国当地设计市场者优先。

Fluent English is preferred. 英语流利者。

Ok, so let me give you the back story.

I was in the warehouse over a week ago and needed to cut some material. I asked the warehouse people for some scissors. They gave me some big ass awesome ones. Probably would of cost the same as a Honda Accord in the States. But here with cheap materials and labor, they are super cheap. Anyway, I used them and gave them back. The next day I needed to do the same thing. I asked again and again they gave them to me.

So I haven’t had to use the scissors in a week or two because I bought my own. I wanted some so I went and paid pennies for a pair that I could cuddle at night with.

So what just happened. The warehouse women rolls into my office and says something like, the scissors you used last time where are they. I reply I don’t know, I gave them back. She said are you sure. I was like yeah, it was a long time ago. Pretty sure I gave them back but I don’t really remember. They’re not here.

She rolls out bitching about something.

I go to the warehouse where I worked and found no sign of said scissors. I then looked in my work area and again, no scissors. She finds me and I saw, nope, no scissors. I gave them back to that guy. She then replies, you forgot. How could you of given them back if you forgot. I said they are not here and I gave them back. The then says that I am a cheater/lying and something else. Now I am thinking that there is no way that I can no convince her that I don’t still have them. She probably already made up her mind. For one because I was the last one she actually saw use them. Even though it is possible that someone else asked the other guy and or knows where they are. They are big scissors and hard to loose. If I still had them I would of found them, they are like a foot long. It’s also easy to blame me because I can afford to by new ones. White guy is rich right.. Also because I don’t think anyone here actually likes me and when it comes down to it they will bury me with whatever they can find. Think Dalian oil spill. Perhaps the Chinese are responsible for the spill, no one will ever know, but by god, they spun it to make it seem like it was the foreigners company that was at fault. Thus it doesn’t matter who has the scissos, or if she will ever find them. I was the last person she physically saw having the scissors in their hands over two weeks ago. So before she even asked me she already made up her mind and was going to throw me under the bus.

Now this could happen anywhere. But lets take a look at what would or at least I think would happen in a civilized country.

Hey, Pudding, have you seen those scissors. Uh, no sorry. I’m pretty sure that I gave them back. Oh, really, I can’t find them.. huh. Well let me help you look for them. (look all around) Yeah pretty sure I gave them back. It was a bit ago I can’t really remember but I can’t find them at any of my work stations and I always give the tools I use back so, I can say with almost absolute conviction that I did in fact give them back to the other guy. Oh ok, well, I’ll just keep looking.

Done. Because really, wasting time on one pair of scissors is actually keeping you from actually doing something productive. But here in China, penny wise dollar short. I bet for sure she is going to keep looking wasting hers and everyone’s time and them bury me saying that I have them and there is now way in hell that anyone else does. The evil over paid foreigner did it..

So after she said that I was lying to her or cheating her I let her have it. I don’t take that crap anymore. So I just agreed. Yep, I’m lying to you and cheated you. I still have your scissors. To which she slams the door and locks me out of the warehouse. Good times..

Anyway, just thought like sharing this little gem..

Some of you know that I am a photographer, was a photographer and or still am. I do not work currently as a full time photographer. But I still do shoot. Anyway, I went to college back what seems like a decade ago and graduated. Did very well. I was in the last class to use traditional film techniques while embracing the future of digital. In fact I was the first in the major city I lived near to purchase a D2H. At the time it was the fastest, most bad ass camera you could get. The price was bad ass too. 3200$. Anyway, I bought it with a loan from family member which I paid back in full with my own very hard earned money. I worked very hard to do what I did. Went to school full time over 20 credit hours a week, and worked full-time, 40 hrs a week, and shot assignments for school and for my portfolio. I had to do this because I couldn’t afford the richer route of not having to work during college and having someone buy all my photography gear. I had to.

I love photography, I love capturing moments, hand crafting light on a product, and doing everything in-between. So why am I not a professional photographer now making boat loads of money in the States. Well let me tell you. It’s not because I didn’t work hard. I did. Could I of worked harder, that’s debatable. Everyone can work harder. I assisted, shot for papers, sports teams, magazines, etc. But why didn’t I make it big, well it’s going to sound like I’m just bitching up a storm and blaming my lack of success on other people. But however people read it as, there is truth in this. Read the comment below.

This is a comment about photography found on Gizmodo. Sorry I have forgotten what topic it was pertaining to. It’s been a few days since I saved the this text. Doesn’t make it any less relevant.

The problem with this is that when Cartier-Bresson said this, his weapon of choice was a Leica rangefinder with a 36 exposure roll of film. Not a Canon 7D cranking out 8 frames per second. 10,000 frames just isn’t really anything these days. Last year, I taught a photojournalism workshop and sent a number of students out on assignment to an event with the goal of capturing the essence of the event itself. In the course of an afternoon, every single person shot over a thousand images with the high number of the day being over FOUR THOUSAND images. In SIX hours. In film terms, 10000 frames represents 277 rolls of film and at today’s prices, nearly a thousand dollars in investment on film alone. Figure another 3-5 bucks per roll for chemistry if you shot B&W and decided to develop it yourself. And then the time involved as well. Almost by sheer procedure alone, you’re bound to learn SOMETHING about the photographic process along the way. With digital, there are no repercussions of going hammer down on the shutter and spraying and praying, and unfortunately, my students were living proof of this. My Nikon F5 will burn through a 5 dollar roll of film in 4 seconds at full tilt, but the thing that would keep anyone from doing so is just that- you have to pay for film. It costs money. Outside of the cost of a memory card, you can take millions of photos and it won’t cost you a dime. So back to my class. What it ultimately boils down to (and what I referred to in my earlier post) is that the vast majority beginning of photographers aren’t using their eyes, camera, and brain in conjunction. You can teach ANYONE to take a technically decent photo. Take a look at the “studio” at your local Walmart. The cameras are fixed to camera stands, lights are bolted to the walls and floor. Someone already did all of the hard work, so all the “photographer” has to do is make the brat smile and hit the shutter (the one and only button exposed on the camera, by the way; everything else is covered up by a bracket) at the right moment. The technology is just too accessible and too easy these days to put a quantifier like a 10000 image threshold on it. People get so enamored with the fact that they can do something now, but rarely think about what they’re doing.

 

I remember this football team I used to shoot. I did it for basically free. I loved doing it. I love football. I did it well. I didn’t give my images away, I sold them to parents and papers. Don’t take this as bragging but my images where good. Really good. So what happened. Well there was a parent of another guy, way older than I was that starting showing up and shooting. It pains me to see his images. They are soo terrible. How he started I’m not for sure. I can’t really bitch about him but there is a good chance that he didn’t put the study, the work, or the time into what I had done and learned. The parents really didn’t know what a good football photo was and what a bad photo was. I mean to their defense all they want is a photo of their son playing football. NFL quality or not, it didn’t matter. So this guy starting slinging all these bad photos around. I on the other had only let the good ones get out. I suppose that I being the perfectionist I am didn’t want people to see the outtakes if I had any. He on the other had didn’t seem to care, unless he didn’t know any better.

I also had this happen with a professional sports team. I didn’t make much money at it. But I had to take whatever they offered me. It opened a lot of doors. And if I didn’t work for peanuts some other kid would of. So I did. I didn’t sell out completely but any professional photographer would of turned down the job. I took it. It might of been the wrong thing to do but there was no way that I was going to teach this PR guy any lessons. Hell during the season he gave people free press passes for exchanging images with him. The guys that were getting free passes were not professional photographers. They were guys that could afford cameras, thought it was cool, didn’t study it, and didn’t need to make money doing it. I on the other had did. I did my 10,000 images, my hours of training. So yeah, that chapped my ass a bit.

I moved to Colorado to pursue two of may passions: Photography and Snowboarding. In hindsight I should of moved to Utah or Cali. Anyway, I have to compete with rich kids who didn’t go to photography school but had all the gear. I on the other had had to work a day time job. Vail is expensive.. Anyhow, this is what photography has become. Anyone can enter, there is no price for admission. Once there was. As stated in the comment. But now, soccer moms with nothing to do start photography businesses, etc. Putting trained hard working photographers out of business. I guess it’s the way the market, progression, and technology are.

So with today’s culture of everything for free, stealing images, etc. Along with the entry free for creative things being about nothing, and everyone wanted to do them, we are in for a drastic change in the creative community. Photos are already cheap. People do it for free. Undercutting a lot of professional people. It hurts. Agencies and mags settle for crappy photos just as long as they are cheap. It’s a bad cycle. I could write and discuss this topic for hours. Perhaps this post is a little jumbled and incoherent, but hey, I have so many things to say, so many opinions that I don’t know where to start.

So what am I to do, well I’m still at it. I just live in China. I shoot when I can and what I can. I have some idea that I am going to pursue in the near future. At least there aren’t any soccer moms here.

Below are some of the images that I found really quick. Really I didn’t have enough time to put together some awesome portfolio for this blog post. I literally have thousands upon thousands of images to dig through. Anyway, I might post some more oldie but goodies in the future. Give me something to do I guess.

It’s just been one of those days. Which has been happening a lot in the past month or two. Trying to find the good in living here in this city, and even in China.

Why has it been such a bad day, well, let me count the ways. I get a day off because it is Mid Autumn Festival. If you don’t know what it is Google it.. So with my brilliance I decided to head downtown. Well really it was the shear fact that I am bored as hell in the out skirts. Really nothing to do but drink and bang hookers with the latter being something I don’t do. So I headed in, which meant that I was on a bus with the entire population of eastern China. On a holiday everyone has the day off. So, everyone wants to go to the big city.

I walked through my apartment complex to be stopped by banging door guy. You can read about him here. He said that my coworker that was supposed to take care of paying something didn’t. Go figure. And get this, this coworker has since quit and left my place of employment. Now, this guy wanted me to give him my number, uh, yeah not happening, then wanted my coworkers number, I don’t know it, then asked my how I don’t know it. I told him I see him everyday why do I need his number. That seemed to satisfy him. Anyway, this brings me to another planned blog post about the level of competence here, or rather a lack thereof. Next time. So I told him that I would have someone call him or some bs tomorrow. Great some more bullshit I have to deal with. Great isn’t it.

So I head downtown. Did I mention that it was hot in the bus. Actual Chinese people started to complain about it, I get hot way way faster then Chinese people do. So when they complain it’s hot, it’s effing hot. Finally after waiting like 10 minutes to stop at a bus stop, there was a long line of buses to drop off, they turned on the air. Not after everyone started yelling at the driver and money taker girl. And after they yelled back. After an argument. Finally air.

I got off and got on another bus. It was supposed to be a short little ride to the place that I was going. But no, it seems that everyone with a car also wanted to come downtown.

Finally off the bus after an hour and at my destination. That stop went fairly well. Now off to the next one. I walked a bit, hit up the fake dvd store, then walked a bit more to the new shiny mall. Where I had some ice-cream. Did that go smoothly, well, kind of. I had to wait for 5 mins for a little fat kid to make up his mind about what he wanted.

Then I headed to Starbucks where I usually go. Found a place to near some girls that looked like students. They stared at me for a good 2-3 mins until I asked them if they had a problem. To which they replied no. Couldn’t get on the wireless, hrmm. Well that figures.

After a bit I head to the store across the way and walk around. After passing five Porsches, 10 BMW 700s, tens of tens of Audis, a Hummer, a Jeep, I get board and frustrated and decide to head back and cry myself to sleep. To the bus stop where I wait for 20 minutes in the blazing hot sun for a bus to arrive, FULL. Great. I then hail a cab, which stops, and we speed off. We then get to my street. He says straight, I say left turn. He confirms left turn, then goes straight. I say left turn, he backs up in the middle of the road. We then finally make it to my complex and I get out. Alive. Awesome.

I chill at home and watch a movie. I got a little hungry so I head down to a local spot I go to at least once a week. I order something I always get. I then go get a soda at the store and some dumplings at a different restaurant. Then it happens. Something that has NEVER happened. The new guy at my local place tells me that I can’t eat other places food in his place. Ok, I get it. It’s the same in the US. But that’s one of the reasons I like China. I can do whatever. Get food from three effing places if I want then eat it all at one place. But this time no, new guy didn’t like it. I think one of the workers that knows me told new guy to chill out.

Then my food arrives, yeah, after which I get this notion that it’s not quite right. I try a few bits and nope. It tastes nothing like before, the rice is cold, there is a lot of liquid in the bottom of the plate, WTF.. Great, can’t a guy get a little consistency here.. Apparently not. Anyway I was pissed so I spit out the food back on the plate in front of the workers, threw my money on the table and bailed to the restaurant where I bought my dumplings.

Again, lately it’s been hard to find things I like here. Really hard.

This is public transportation. It’s a little hard to tell but there are like 5-6 buses waiting to stop at the bus stop.

Just think if all these people had the means to purchase an automobile.

God help us….. and Darwin…

Nap time apparently

That’s is what China can be. Some will say that it is because there is so many people here. Which is true, however that probably is not an issue. It’s a cultural one. You grow up living, and most likely sleeping in the same bed as your parents and siblings if you were lucky to have them. Thus you assume that everyone else doesn’t care that you are 2 inches from their face..

So how does this pertain to me. Well, every time there is a knock on the door I freak out. Well, not really but you can’t help to get a little nervous. Most of the time is it the police making sure you are here and have a valid visa. But sometimes it’s a real person, and all of the time they want something.

I was taking a little R&R watching Kungfu Panda 2. I was in the middle of the last action sequence when someone bangs, and I mean BANGS on the door. That’s how they do it here. I have to get some pants on and see what the hell is going on. It was a man and a women.

I wing open the door because, well, I’m a little irritated. There is no reason to be, but where I am from when someone bangs on the door like that usually it’s because that one night stand you slept with last night was some dudes wife. They say hello and then proceed to speak a whole bunch of Chinese mixed with a local accent. I got no idea what they mean. I caught some of it but most of it I didn’t get.. You see, the “me” “you” type of shit I understand.. but my vocab is limited.. I said that I didn’t understand and the women laughed.. To which I asked wtf are you laughing at. That spooked her and she apologized.

So far not off to a great start. The guy starts walking in and I have to stop him but he was already in my living room. Now, I work a lot and haven’t had a chance to clean. That’s part of it, also I am just lazy and haven’t been feeling good lately. So anyway since I didn’t understand what he was saying so he starts speaking to me louder and louder. A common thing that Chinese do when you don’t understand. I’m not sure about the logic behind it.

I tell him that I don’t deal with this crap, whatever it is, and that a coworker deals with it. That took 3 minutes to sink in. I try to call someone and can’t get a hold of them. I then tell the dude that he needs to write down his number and that I will have someone call him tomorrow.

He started to write down his number and I mumble some swear words under my breath.. The girl copies me and laughs. The guy asks her what I said and I answer it means that I am royally effing pissed off right now..

He writes down the number and she tells me what to do. She uses English, to which I repeat back in Chinese. I hate when people think I am dumb. I know that sounds weird, I mean, I really don’t understand. I shouldn’t be all pissed but, whatever. They apologize a lot and then leave.

Turns out they wanted money or something. I looked up the characters he wrote and it translates as property fees. I don’t know what they were expecting. Me to wing out a wad of cash and give it to them. Yeah, ha. Anyway my coworker will have to deal with it tomorrow. That’s what he’s paid for.

All and all I could of handled it a little better. But the combination of not sleeping well, working a lot, upset stomach, trips to the bathroom, and being in the middle of Kungfu Panda really fired me up.

I promise the next post will be a little happier.

Last night you while you were sleeping the world was turning. You open your eyes, fold the covers over and sit on the edge of your bed. You stare down at your feet. You wonder to yourself what your feet looked like 37 years ago. Your knees crack as you attempt to sit up, an exciting youth makes for lazy knees. You squint as the morning light glares off your pupils.

You move your feet one by one. Placing the left in front of the right. So on and so fourth. You open the bathroom door and turn on the light. You can hear the flickering of the greenish florescent light. You see your face. You haven’t shaven in a few days. You pick up your toothbrush and start the today because today is just another day.

The water rushes over the colored bristles. Washing away the used toothpaste. Spiraling and snaking it’s way around the drain just like a circle of life goes round and round.

Your wife screams. The rushing water seems even faster now. The toothbrush bounces off the floor, landing in a dust bunny.

She is sitting on the side of the bed. Clutching her stomach and staring at you as run in. Her facial expression says it all. The neurons in your brain seem to all fire at once. But they are in sync. You know exactly what to do. It may be early, but it’s been a long time coming.

You’ve known for over half a year that this day would come. The day your wife would have to go to the hospital. This past week you’ve thought about it a lot. What you would do, how you would feel. More importantly you thought about the love of your life. The girl you met those years ago. The girl with the vigor for life. The girl that became a women and took your hand in marriage. What is she thinking, feeling, is she hurting, or is she thinking about you and how you feel.

You throw the bags in the car and race off. The country-side races by as you concentrate on getting to the hospital. Time slows.

She can still walk but just barely. She uses you as a crutch as you both walk into the hospital. Arm in arm you arrive.

The doctors say that everything is as can be expected. They have done this many times before they say, but the words don’t hold the weight that they should. You watch as you wife’s face slowly departs and drifts down the hallway on the wave of a hospital bed.

By the way you are pacing there should be a trail worn into the floor of the waiting room. Hours go by. The sweat drips from your forehead as you glance at your watch. The double doors open and there they are. She left as one but has returned as two.

You have never seen such beauty. The glow they give off is unparalleled. Your wife tells you to come over. Your heart races, your feet barely move, your palms are sweaty, and your breath barely escapes your exhaling lungs. She takes your hand, squeezes it tight. You can’t stop looking at him. Such a small thing. Tiny, delicate, a blank slate to the world. You look over at you wife who is crying, you then look back at your son. You’ve waited 9 months to see his face, and there he is, all 6 lbs.

You take a dry towel and immerse it in a nuke warm tub of water. Saturating it. You lift it out and twist it into a knot like shape. Wringing the extra water out. The water makes a playful splashing sound as it returns to the tub. You take your wife’s arm and gently wipe the sweat from it. It’s been merely hours. Your son is resting peacefully by her side. Every so often kicking his feet and batting his arms.

You’ve never seen your wife this beautiful. She has joined the club of motherhood. Just as your mother did when she gave birth to you. You lay her hand back down and pat the sweat from her forehead. Your wife’s eye’s close.

The nights are short, the sleep is even shorter. Two by two the blocks of hours go by. The hospital chair couldn’t be much more uncomfortable. But you are optimistic, tomorrow you go home.

Last night you while you were sleeping the world was turning. You open your eyes, fold the covers over and sit on the edge of your bed. You stare down at your feet. You wonder if his feet will look like your feet in 37 years. Your knees crack as you attempt to sit up. You can hear the faint sound of squirming. You squint as the morning light glares off your pupils.

You turn and see your wife sleeping peacefully with your son by her side. Looking around the room in wonder. His miniature fingers gripped into a fist. He looks up and sees you. His grayish eyes fixated in a stare. He smiles and shakes his head. You can’t help but smile yourself. As you do your wife’s eyes open. She sees you looking at your son, she smiles.

This is now a normal morning. And you like it.

Congratulations my friend.

You have now joined the club of fatherhood. A club where fishing, bikes, snakes, and planes exist. A place where the wildest imaginations run wild. Your son, a bridge between two sides of the world, will be your apprentice. A blank slate to everything, including language. Teach him well.

I congratulate the three of you, perhaps one day, I will be as fortunate.