Pudding and Chopsticks

I’ve written about this before but it has just been brought to my attention again.

Sitting right in front of me is a beautiful women. Not short, not tall, smooth skin, medium length silky dress, a small little purse, iPhone 4 and shiny pulled back brown hair. You ask anyone in America whether she is beautiful and they will probably say yes, you ask someone in China they will also probably answer yes.

So what’s odd about this girl, nothing to the untrained eye. I have different thoughts about this. One, yes, in America it’s the same, girls like nice things. In China it’s the same. Girls like nice things. But the difference is that in China most girls can not afford the nice expensive things.

This girl in front of me is undoubtedly sponsored. That’s what the foreigners here have coined as a phrase. Like the 1960s girls here are starting to hold high positions but for the most part rely on their husbands and men for monetary support. So there is no way in hell that this girl is single. If she is, for sure she has a close attachment to a man. A rich man, that supports her in some way or another. He could be her father, a lover, a husband, or boy friend. Hell she could even be a hooker that dresses nice on Sunday’s. I’m also not saying that she has not made this money herself. And if she has, she has investors that have helped her, again, male investors. But her demeanor points to the earlier. She is quite, shy looking, and not in control of the room like most business women in China are. If you want to play with the boys in business you better act like one. And she doesn’t.

Girls are just another way to show other guys that you got money. You got iPhones, iPads, bmws, etc. But you also have a smoking hot women with you. Just like the material things that show everyone what you are, and what you have, she does the same, except no one can have her but you.

Don’t hate me, hate the system. The system here in China is this way, just the way it is. One day I will find a girl that I think is attractive. And she will become my girlfriend. If we decide to get married she will probably quite her job. I will support her and she will probably become the topic of another white guys blog about how girls here are princesses and are spoiled.

Until then I can only hope.

That’s right. Really there is nothing else to do on a Sunday than drink coffee and sit around. Since I wouldn’t get anything done at home, and it’s rather boring, I come to Starbucks to people watch, listen in on people’s conversations, flaunt my feathers and drink Joe. So that’s about it. I got a Chinese mother in front of me that just got done breast feeding, no one cared. I got two dudes on my left, one with a Macbook Air. A couple on the right with Iphones, and a whole bunch of other people.

I know that I always say this, Iphone this, Iphone that but I want to give you the run down. The cheapest Iphone that you can get is 5880元or just shy of a G usd. The average wage is maybe 2000元. This would mean that the average person needs to save for something like 3-4 months and then spend the total sum on a phone. But here, where I am, and at Starbucks in particular, EVERYONE has one. And even some girls have effing 2 of them.

This can mean a few things. Probably their parents are rich. Really rich. Two they are second wives or mistresses, prostitutes, husbands are rich,  or they have a good job. Kudos to them. I bet the earlier. Their parents are probably rich, they have rich husbands, they are mistresses, and or prostitutes.

Now in the US saying that would be quite unbelievable. But here it’s different. Just think of this. You make like 100,000 USD a year. You can live for 5 USD a day. So what the hell do you do… Well, you get girls. Buy them expensive shit and then have fun. There are girls that will take advantage of this and think that nothing is wrong with it. I myself could give a rats ass. I just don’t want to find one myself like that.

More and more I want to find a wife and settle down. Maybe it’s because I got friends that are well on their way to having families or already have them. I’m getting older and am starting to want to, well, you know, do the human thing and mate.

So in front of me there is a beautiful women. Hell if I found one like her I would probably marry her. But here is the catch. Chinese girls that already have money are materialistic. Yes I am generalizing. But China is all about “Face.” The way you are perceived by others. So when you get a certain status you most likely don’t want to let that go. Thus, I’m guessing here, you have so much money, clothes and what not, you don’t want to go to a lower status.

So back to the girl. Well if she is at Starbucks you can assume a few things. One, she has money or is out with friends for a special occasion. Since she is only with one friend and she is older, chances are that she has money. I did also see a ring. So she is most likely married. She has nice clothes on, dressed like an upper class Chinese women. So, she is of a certain status and will not want to go down to, uh, me. Not to say I am a lower status but really, there are Chinese guys that make a lot more money than I do.

So here come a lot of generalization and what not but that’s all you can really do, generalize. So what you do is find a Chinese girl that has a good body and skin. All the features that you want. Good personality, doesn’t beat you or make you carry her purse. Next, and this is going to sound barbaric so bare with me. They will probably have no money. So basically you train them to what you want them to be. There is a good chance that they will want to make you happy so you can steer them to what clothes you want them to wear, shoes, etc. If you got money and you spend it, they will probably too. If you teach them to be frugal they will probably stay that way.

Yes this sounds barbaric, maybe it’s wrong, bad, terrible, but that’s how it’s done here. It’s skewed because I am white and am of a different class. But for the most part if you got money the women will not make anywhere close to what you make. You will probably buy her everything and can then choose what you want her to be. Now this isn’t completely true. I know a couple that are married and he had done some of this. But she also trained him. So I guess it’s a trade off.

But if you ever find a girl that you think is hot, has the clothes, the phone and everything else. There is no way she can by herself afford these  things so she is trained to a certain extend. If not already taken. If her parents gave her the goods, you bet they got more money than you.

Now before my friend from Leadville reads this and puts me in a head lock next time she sees me, this all flies out the window when you are in love. I think a bunch on this stuff but usually never follow through with it. But who knows. Just remember. If your white, got money, and can’t speak Chinese you are only going to get a particular type of girl…. I hope you got a fat wallet.

I would like to share some insight into what the life of a 22 year old Chinese girl is like. Well at least the one I know.

She wakes up probably at somewhere around 7am or earlier. She has to leave for work. A 10 minute walk from her apartment where she lives with 12 other girls. I’ve seen her apartment. There are two rooms. The one where she sleeps has four girls living in it. Four beds made up of the personal items of her coworkers. Pink sheets, pillows, teddy bears and clothes. The bare cement floor I can only assume is freezing cold all day long. But they have heat, better then most. The other room, bigger room has eight girls living in it. Both rooms only have a bed sheet to separate them from each other. I’m sure that there is only one bathroom.

The living room has a small table and mini chairs. They probably only use them when they wash their clothes by hand. They have no washing machine nor dryer. It doesn’t matter much because the apartment isn’t used for anything much but sleeping.

She gets up at about 7, maybe earlier, I’m sure that she doesn’t take a shower, but maybe she does. There are five or more girls that leave at about the same time and I’m sure that there isn’t enough hot water to go around. She probably washes her hair and gets ready. She makes the 10 minute walk at 8:15 am to be at work by 8:25. She clocks in at 8:30.

There are days, usually at the beginning and the end of the month when she doesn’t eat lunch. She doesn’t have time to. From what I gather she has to write reports, money and supplies go in and out. The reports have to be in at the end of the month. She usually eats dinner at work. She gets off work at 5pm. But she can not leave. They don’t pay her to stay but she has to. She has to wait until the next person that does her job comes in and makes sure that she did her job correctly. Last night she was there until a little after 7pm. She stopped getting paid at 5. There are times where I’ve talked to her at 9 at night and she still hadn’t left work.

When she does leave work she heads back to the apartment. A 5-10 minute walk. Usually with a coworker. It’s dark, and her job isn’t in the middle of the city. She arrives back at her apartment and washes her clothes and maybe takes a shower. Not all the girls are there at the same time. Some work a second shift type schedule. She watches tv and maybe reads. Goes to bed early, 9pm, maybe 10pm and then starts the next day the same. 6am maybe 7am she gets up.

She gets 4 days a month as rest. She can pick them. But she gets only four. Maybe she takes some Sundays off, maybe a Tuesday too.

In her spare time when she has rest, a day off, she heads to her aunts house. It’s her closest family. Her mom and dad live in a different province, a 24 hour bus ride away. She goes to her aunts house 30min away and sleeps.

Day before yesterday, China’s biggest holiday, I called her. I was watching the biggest gala of the year on tv. The lunar new year. China New year. She was sleeping, at 8pm.

When she has rest, she sleeps, when she is not at work, she sleeps. She is always tired.

There are many things I wish I could communicate to her, but most are even hard concepts to discuss in English.

How are you going to live a life like this? How can you find a husband when you are always tired, never want to go out and have fun, never have time to have fun?

I’m sure that her family is hounding her about finding a husband and getting married. The typical Chinese way. At least she has a twin sister and a older brother. Something that is very rare here. Her family surely had to pay a fine for having her and her sister. Because of the one child policy. Her brother, her and her sister will be responsible for taking care of the elderly in the family. At least she has an older brother to do this. There is no retirement in China. So the young take care of the old. For some there is no other reason to have children but to only secure your future.

For her efforts she gets about 274 USD. Not bad. Her company pays for her rent, at least as far as I know. She buys clothes and does what she wants for the most part. I am probably correct in the fact that she probably saves most of it. Sends some home to her family.

When I first met her she had the raddest smile. Full of life. But I’ve watched it drain from her for the past 3 months. Why, I am not sure. I can only assume it went something like this and I don’t pretend to know what really is going on but I can speculate. I know some of this for fact but as to the bigger picture of what is going on with her, I’m not sure. She won’t tell me.

She has had 2 boyfriends. One for 3 yrs and 1 for 6 months. She’s getting older, needs to start thinking about settling down. She has gotten burned twice and doesn’t want to have that happen again. Her previous boyfriends have both told her she is too much of a kid. Acts too silly or childish. She can’t stand the feeling of breaking up. So she doesn’t start anything with anyone. She hates falling in love because she can’t take the breakups.

Along comes a guy who is nice, different, etc. She is full of life, fun, smiles. Then a month later, she starts to get sad and depressed. I can only assume it’s because her friends have found out about this guy and who he is. They have all said that he is bad, and will just hurt her. Because most of these guys do, but more importantly it’s what is depicted in the movies. Her friends probably don’t even know anyone like this guy. But they are full of whatever pride they have and spread the rumors that are online. Unfortunately most are true.

Her hopes, if she has ever had any, are crushed. She realizes that she started to like him but wasn’t sure about him. She listens to her friends and maybe even family. Now she has an internal struggle about what to do. She wants to make sure that anyone she meets will be the guy she marries. But no guy wants to wait around for this. Think of it like this. In the America we will date, and doing that we find out enough things about someone, where we then say, ok, let’s become exclusive or boyfriend/girlfriend. Well imagine if you wanted to skip that and just go to marriage, or the decision at least. You have to find out enough about someone that you would marry them, then you could become bf/gf. How long would it take? Would you wait that long for someone to pick you?

She wants to just get married because she doesn’t want the breakup, at least probably. She wants to make sure that he is the one. Then she will become bf/gf. The problem is how can she do that with the life that she has. She has no time to go out, when she does she just goes to the aunt’s house and sleeps. It’s possible that she is beginning to realize this. Will a guy even wait that long. Probably not. You don’t wait in China. You can’t. It’s the same with business here. You have an opportunity, you go for it. You wait, the opportunity passes. She waiting and maybe things are passing. I’m not sure.

This is a Chinese life. A typical Chinese girls life.

Another Thanksgiving has gone and past. In fact I forgot until the very day of. I must apologize for not posting in sometime. Stupid story. I landed a job, got busy, flew to a different city, forgot my power adapter for the laptop, didn’t have internet, been busy with job, etc. So finally I’ve gotten a chance to sit down and collect my thoughts. Thanksgiving the past couple years has been different than most. The last two in Colorado my roommates and I made a massive spread, invited a bunch of good friends over and partied like it was 1999. I try to watch the Lions play the Bears whenever I can. A past time that I share with my father. This year is a bit different. Heck, I didn’t even realize that it was Thanksgiving. So more or less it’s just another day for me. I ate some Chinese food, walked around, drank some beer and got lost in fog. The latter wasn’t really a day-to-day chore however I mention it because it was awesome. Please take a gander at the photographs below.

I can remember going to my Grandmothers house and eating until I couldn’t anymore. I defiantly miss that. Even so, I can still be Thankful for a few things. Good friends, a job, a life, and so on. So with that being said, what I have been up to.

Well, I have a job, yes, I am a freelance creative artist. I sat that because it sounds good. Most I am a freelance photographer and designer. I am currently working on a project. I am totally stoked to have a job and be working on something. Especially being creative.

I mentioned something about a girl last post. I shall now elaborate a bit on that subject. I am not madly in love or anything, however this is the story, it’s kind of interesting as to how some may meet the opposite sex in China. There is a store near my house that I used to go to everyday. I still do however it’s for different reasons now. Before it was the fact that it was the closest to my ultimate destination. Now it’s mainly because I am “crushing” on a girl that works there. I always bought a Coke and a iced red tea. Maybe I would throw in a popsicle. Lately they have been out, so disappointing. When I would go to this store the employees would follow me around willing to answer any and all questions that I never asked. One could compare them to hawks. Well if you haven’t noticed I am a white guy in a country full of Chinese people. Most of these girls are from different area of China. The city that I live in is very similar to Vail in respect that there are not many people here are born and raised. The most development has occurred in the last 5 years. So there girls are not used to seeing a foreigner. They would giggle and laugh. Mostly at my funny faces I would make.

Tangent. Most young girls you see working in shops all look sad and about to huck themselves off a 10 story building. Why, think about it, you have no skills, didn’t go to college, are going to work a dead-end job forever, have more pressure than men to marry, have kids, have a life, some girls just give up. Hell I don’t know if this is true, it makes sense to me. In any case they look sad all the time.

There was one girl in particular who did not look sad; in fact she was cheerful and always smiled. Anyhow, I got the guts one day to give her my number. Now I am a shy guy, which is not good in China. The girls here want a man in control, and from what I am told you have to boss them around. Don’t worry it’s totally common. Besides Chinese guys will do more than I ever will. I don’t like to boss, demand, or tell someone what to do. It’s hard for me unless, well, I don’t know.

I walked into the store with my game plan. I grabbed a Pepsi just to mix it up and maybe throw her off guard. I reached the counter, oh, did I mention that I had a hell of a hangover. Yeah, I wasn’t feeling hot at all. So I swaggered up to the counter and put my Pepsi onto the metal table scanner thing that was made of stainless steel. She smiled and rang it up while I went over the Chinese in my head. I asked for a receipt, wrote my number on it, and my name, gave it to her and told her to give me a call. I then said bye bye, I know cheesy but it’s what you say, and strolled out like nobodies business. 3 meters out the door I realized that I had only given her the first 7 digits of my number. In the PRC there are 10 or 11, heck I don’t remember. So yeah, that went great.

The next day I went back in and she proceeded to say a bunch of words I didn’t know, something to the effect that you gave me the wrong number here is mine. So she gave me her number and we have been texting since then. I talked to my Father the other day and the first thing he says to me is, “so about this girl.”  Good to talk to you too Dad. “So she speaks English then.” Nope, not at all. Not really. Nope. Which is way weird for me. In speaking with this girl I have learned quite a bit. In fact I can read basic things. So funky. I am reading Chinese. But hey, what’s one to do. So her and I chat a lot, but haven’t really gotten the chance to hangout. She doesn’t get a day off and works 10-11 hours per day. Sounds like total fun. Sucks. But yeah, good stuff. I’ve gotten super fast at looking things up in a dictionary and whatnot. This is bad, because when I go to the store she starts talking superduper fast, thinking I can read Chinese and all that jazz. Oh man, it’s frustrating to say the least. Trying to communicate in a different language. Understand what’s going on, translate, understand the culture, what she means, when she is joking. But you know, it’s fun too. Of course everyone at work knows what’s going on and as soon as I roll in the comes hopping out to see me. One day I had 7 girls all speaking to me at the same time. I might of said that before. That’s mind blowing. Nice to meet you, where you from, a thousand other questions I didn’t know what the heck they were talking about. I had to bail.. ahh….

That’s really all that has been happening. So, I should return to the house and be on a somewhat normal schedule soon. Until then to ta loo..

Sunset.

Attack of the Thanksgiving fog.

Oh, wait, is that a beer?

On and off switch Chinese style.

Some sort of old structure.

Snowboard bench.

Pretty much the best wings ever. Look at all that goodness just waiting to be bbq’d up.

Night time photograph.

Here are the rest of the photos thus far on my little working vacation.Yes that is a jar of Vaseline. Don’t ask me I don’t have any knowledge pertaining to that.

Not doing much just sitting here in a cold dark room. My choice I suppose. I got a little MJ and just doing a little internet research while a noodle is getting it’s goodness ready. I had a few more thoughts I wanted to share. Or rather a few more posts.  So this one is going to be about what’s been happening on the Chinese language and girl front. Why, well, they kinda go hand in hand. In order to hangout with a girl, you must, well, hell, you have to learn Chinese, speak, read and write. If you don’t you’ll be going to the .. Never mind, let’s just say that you will be lonely.

The image below is a screen shot of my desktop with what I normally do everyday. I usually end up chatting it up with a few girls that I know or have been introduced to. As you can see, besides the photograph of my Grandmother and Grandfather’s wedding in 1955, I think it was 1955, is a bunch of Chinese. Weird huh?

We were talking about the weather or something. One thing that you learn is to get really fast on the dictionary draw. Which I am. This inevitably ends up blowing up in my face. Because when I end up seeing the girl, well, she thinks I speak fluent Chinese since I can reply fairly fast. Things blow up and I usually have to say that I suck at it and the usual. Good times.