Pudding and Chopsticks

I drank my fair share.

You would think that a city of about a million would have a real burger.

But they don’t. Everytime I head into Shanghai, or another major city I have to get me one of these bad boys.

A real burger.

So during one of my so exciting work days we had a supplier roll in to get something, basically money. Which meant me, being a white guy, had to go have lunch with him and some factory people.

So, we went to a place I had been before, needless to say, it isn’t my favorite place to ingest food.

Here are some photos.

This is what the line outside of McDonald’s looks like.

I was going to enjoy some Oreo goodness until a swarm of Chinese people lined up. Yep, I’m included everyone here. Mostly because the majority of Chinese line up the same way. Which makes me the odd ball out. So really it’s only weird to me. But I need something to write about so here it is.

I was lined up behind two girls when like 3 different people tried to cut. We all know why, that damn soft serve. Anyway the cashier tried to get them to query up better but no one listened. My 2 person wait turned into like 6 and it seemed like no one had made their mind up yet. I bailed. This was going to end one way and that is a 10 minute wait for something that should of took 3 minutes if everyone lined up in an orderly fashion and looked at the menu before they reached the window. But this is China and not everyone is like me..

So… whatever. Next time I’ll get my flurry goodness.

Let me show you what food safety in China is like.

Not for the faint of heart.

The butcher shop.

A hatchet, which is very well and dandy if it was clean and only used for food. Not rusty and looking like they found it in the middle of the woods. A knife that was forged in the Victorian Era, or so it looks.  An old wooden tree stump section, read chopping block, that was used with raw meat and has cuts in it where the lovely meat juices can seep in and grow all kinds of cool things. A homemade clever. A slab of steel ground on one side and welded to some sort of metal. Probably shiny steel. If it is stainless when they welded it, it gave off toxic fumes. If I remember welding things correctly. Chopped up on some sort of tarp placed halfway on a rainwater manhole cover on a sidewalk where I have seen kid’s pee and drop deuces every now and then.

Innards cut with scissors that no doubt are used for other things. Then placed upon said kid peeing area. If not just think what is tracked around on the sidewalk.

Using a dust pan for fat. That’s quite smart, I suppose.

Cow head in bowl on street. Also where cars drive, mopeds, bikes, kids pee, etc. Well at least they are cleaning everything… Well, cleaning it in a Chinese way.

And you wonder why people get sick, die, and the government has problems. Even if there are laws you have to train and educate people how to prepare and handle food products, then they have to care, there has to be some sort of incentive, then you have to enforce the laws, then deal with the outburst of protests that will follow surely because you start enforcing laws which directly impact people’s lives. Then you have to get people to buy from places that have better safety, which means if has to be cheap and everywhere. Not everyone has transportation.

So, uh, yeah. No small undertaking. Maybe that’s why the PRC Government hasn’t done much yet or started enforcing anything. It’s a massive undertaking.

I don’t hate China, I don’t look down on China. I’ve killed animals and afterwards butchered them as safe as possible. It may should like I am trying to show everyone that China is a bad place. I’m not. These people are poor. Where the hell else are they supposed to do this? They do what they can to get by. I am merely showing the rest of the world what it’s like. If that comes off in a way that you think that I want China to burn in hell, well, that’s not my intention. I’m not making China look bad in other cultures eyes. They themselves do enough of that.

Oh well, where’s my beef noddle?

This dudes looking for crawfish, and I can only guess why.

I suppose I am smart in passing up these little bad boys everytime the boss takes me to the “boat” for lunch. Nice clean water.. Can’t you tell?

This was the cute little cow that inhabited the sidewalk and probably the dining area of a local restaurant for two days.

You ready for it…

This is the cow now..

That’s right. They butchered it right in the middle of the sidewalk and then proceeded to sell it. Yes a little odd. But I grew up with these things deer hunting. More in the woods and less on the sidewalk though.

I called a friend and she rolled down and bought some. Apparently it was fairly cheap. Anywho, that’s life.

So I was walking my morning route which involves hitting up my local dumpling place and then around the block when I spotted something. Something that I haven’t ever seen here before. Not that it really surprised me. If anything I was surprised that I hadn’t seen it before. Anyway take a gander and hopefully you find it as funny as I do.

This fine food establishment is called something like, Genuine Cattle Meat Restaurant. Well, at least it’s fresh..

Oh and by the way, that little cardboard sign on that post. Yeah, it states that on the 23 of this month, today, they will kill the cow.. Hot dog. Looks like lunch is going to be cattle steak.

It’s 6:30 pm and I’m still drunk. At least for the most part. I’m watching Ktv girls walk into work. Aka, prostitutes. Well, I could be wrong. Some might be just hired guns that can drink.

I’ve been drunk for about 5 hours, maybe 6, I can’t remember. The power was shut off at the factory. In fact it was shut off to the whole area. Traffic lights off, factories shut down, mopeds not being charged, what better else to do but go drink.

We get a call at 11:30am not much past the time we find out that the power went off. The call confirms what we had thought all along. A drinking afternoon. Pretty much a given. The powers off, the factory can’t work, not much else to do but some male bonding. And that I did. The perfect chance to drink with the one person that my future relies on. The one person that controls my fate. The person that is in charge of getting me my next visa. And bond I do. I cheers him like I’m leaving for good tomorrow. Does he know what is going on, maybe, do I, for sure.

We arrive at the new restaurant about noon. A new place in a new development. The boss must know the owner, if not own it. I wouldn’t be surprised. It’s upscale but not too upscale. Of course we go the biggest room this establishment offers, I wouldn’t except anything less.

We are each given our own bottle of the local flavor, 400ml of 15% alcohol and shot glasses. At least this time we are given shot glasses. Beats downing entire regular glasses of this stuff. Now it’s beginning to feel a little like home. All I need is a pile of salt and a lime.

The duck tongues come out, along with veggies, meat, and other Chinese dishes. Nothing new really. I’ve become immune to Chinese food. Hell you could bring out bull nuts and I wouldn’t ink twice about gnawing on one. Just another day in the PRC.

The food is good, the company is good, the second bottle is down, the third has a dent in it and everyone is buddy buddy. We bail.

I get a girls number and start texting. Five texts in and she already wants to learn English. Why am I not surprised. Anyhow I sit typing this in a coffee shop. I could of either passed out, or went to town, I went to town. Not much else to do after your drunk and it’s 3 pm.

A little coffee and some Internet goes a long way to build a man’s self esteem. A rack of dumplings and here I am watching the girls go to work.

There is a singing joint not the third floor of the mall, the girls enter through the door right in front of me. Is this fate, hardly, I chose this seat for a reason.

Whether they sell their bodies is up for debate. Here they might not, it seems upscale, but the dirtier places, they do and for cheap.

Hell it’s almost seven and I’ve got to be getting home. Lots of nothing to be doing there. It’s kind of refreshing to be blasted in the afternoon. As if nothing really matters. Because really, if work can’t work and you -can’t work, why not. The day’s of the scotch in the office are gone. In the States at least. The 1950′s are over. Which is a shame really. Because I must say I enjoy the occasional afternoon binge..

Some photos from the local fine dining northern china establishment. We got street cred with the owner. Still trying to work that into some sort of discount. Soon my friends.

Beef, onion, spice, lettuce taco. What in America we would call “the shit”