Pudding and Chopsticks

Nap time apparently

These photos should speak for themselves. I took them at a legit cell phone provider. They sell real mobile plans but fake phones. Go figure right? Anyway, have a good laugh.

This is a repost or reblog from Understanding China, One Blog at a Time. The author is basically a straight shooter and calls it how it is. Which is refreshing. Most of the time you see people sugar coating things they see. The author tells it how it is and doesn’t apologize for it. It may sound harsh but it’s mostly true. This is a post he blogged about yesterday about housing.

My place or the place I rest my hirsute form is worth about 500 000 civilized US dollars. But before you go kow towing to me and thinking me a well-heeled man of position, let me explain housing China style.

The gulag I inhabit has the dimensions of the orifice of a hippo or other large mammal. although its rated at 100 meters squared, that includes some about ten extra feet which by virtue of Chinese monkey math resides outside my front door and is less than useless to me. That is right folks. For theprivilege of living in China you too can own a 100 square meter mansion in lovely smog encrusted downtown Beijing. , no shit.

This place is crazy and smells like a bubble. After the Olympics houses sprouted like dishonestchicoms and every swinging little member was in line to buy one, housing prices went through the roof. The impact is that Chiness houses are crazy expensive, never mind crazy poor quality. My dump for instance is six but leaks, is crooked and smells like must chinaman shit. When my neighbors shower or flush I get a smattering of their waste on my floor which is actually a relief as my toilet usually does not work. The facade is crumbling and to my reckoning she’s got about ten good years left in her.

But in China where they make their own reality, this dump is valued at 500 000 U$. It is surely the sign of a bubble. All throughout this mess of a land they have buildings going up but no one can buy. And now the places that are filled have out of this world price tags. I cannot say I will feel sorry for them when the bottom falls out, it’s not as if they’ve not been warned.

As for me, when I think of the things I could do with half a mil, buying a Chinese house does not even register. Although Ienjoy the place and love to bitch about it, I respect my cash a little too much to ever buy something so substantial here.

So yeah, 500,000USD for a house like that. No thanks. I think I could find a place on a beach for cheaper and have money to live on forever.. And or a house in the middle of a mountain and shred everyday.. Anyway, Beijing, expensive, China housing market, ungodly expensive. In the major cities at least. And to think that the person that owns that apartment doesn’t actually own it. They have paid to lease it for 70 years after which, well, no one knows because it has not been 70yrs since they enacted the right to “own” personal property. At least if I remember right.

Anyhow, check it blog out at http://wtdevflnt.wordpress.com/

That’s is what China can be. Some will say that it is because there is so many people here. Which is true, however that probably is not an issue. It’s a cultural one. You grow up living, and most likely sleeping in the same bed as your parents and siblings if you were lucky to have them. Thus you assume that everyone else doesn’t care that you are 2 inches from their face..

So how does this pertain to me. Well, every time there is a knock on the door I freak out. Well, not really but you can’t help to get a little nervous. Most of the time is it the police making sure you are here and have a valid visa. But sometimes it’s a real person, and all of the time they want something.

I was taking a little R&R watching Kungfu Panda 2. I was in the middle of the last action sequence when someone bangs, and I mean BANGS on the door. That’s how they do it here. I have to get some pants on and see what the hell is going on. It was a man and a women.

I wing open the door because, well, I’m a little irritated. There is no reason to be, but where I am from when someone bangs on the door like that usually it’s because that one night stand you slept with last night was some dudes wife. They say hello and then proceed to speak a whole bunch of Chinese mixed with a local accent. I got no idea what they mean. I caught some of it but most of it I didn’t get.. You see, the “me” “you” type of shit I understand.. but my vocab is limited.. I said that I didn’t understand and the women laughed.. To which I asked wtf are you laughing at. That spooked her and she apologized.

So far not off to a great start. The guy starts walking in and I have to stop him but he was already in my living room. Now, I work a lot and haven’t had a chance to clean. That’s part of it, also I am just lazy and haven’t been feeling good lately. So anyway since I didn’t understand what he was saying so he starts speaking to me louder and louder. A common thing that Chinese do when you don’t understand. I’m not sure about the logic behind it.

I tell him that I don’t deal with this crap, whatever it is, and that a coworker deals with it. That took 3 minutes to sink in. I try to call someone and can’t get a hold of them. I then tell the dude that he needs to write down his number and that I will have someone call him tomorrow.

He started to write down his number and I mumble some swear words under my breath.. The girl copies me and laughs. The guy asks her what I said and I answer it means that I am royally effing pissed off right now..

He writes down the number and she tells me what to do. She uses English, to which I repeat back in Chinese. I hate when people think I am dumb. I know that sounds weird, I mean, I really don’t understand. I shouldn’t be all pissed but, whatever. They apologize a lot and then leave.

Turns out they wanted money or something. I looked up the characters he wrote and it translates as property fees. I don’t know what they were expecting. Me to wing out a wad of cash and give it to them. Yeah, ha. Anyway my coworker will have to deal with it tomorrow. That’s what he’s paid for.

All and all I could of handled it a little better. But the combination of not sleeping well, working a lot, upset stomach, trips to the bathroom, and being in the middle of Kungfu Panda really fired me up.

I promise the next post will be a little happier.

Well, Georgetown College and the Chinese Bayi Rockets team were playing a “goodwill game” the other day and it resorted in a fight. Now, I’m sure that there are a lot of rumors and what not circulation as to why it started. Let me share my opinions.

It looks like in all the videos that the ball was loose on the ground. One American player snagged the ball from two Chinese players. He then passes it over a third Chinese player to one of his Georgetown teammates. The third Chinese player that he passed it over then rushes over to the Georgetown player and starts an altercation with him. Seconds later he is then met with another Chinese teammate for assistance in the altercation.

It was believed to have started when Bayi forward Hu Ke committed a hard foul on Georgetown’s Jason Clark, who retaliated with a shove, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported.

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/sport/basketball/chinaus-basketball-friendship-match-erupts-in-vicious-brawl-20110819-1j1k7.html#ixzz1Vdgkt2vA

Above is what the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported.

The Georgetown player then tried to run away and head towards the bench area when he trips. Then the benches clear. A massive fight ensues and all hell breaks loose.

What do I think, well, I think China has too much pride. Or, I am completely wrong and the Georgetown player did something to provoke the Chinese team.

When ever I go snowboarding, biking, or something to that effect there is always someone that wants to try what I am doing. If say I am snowboarding and do some tricks and what not, they will also to do them as well. Before I came there as no one snowboarding, but now that I came they go grab their boards and copy what I do. But the thing is that they have not been snowboarding as long as I have. But they try. To an American it seems like they can not be outdone. They must not loose face and must do what the foreigner just did.

What does this have to do with basketball? Well, one can say that the NBA is bigger then the CBA, or Chinese Basketball Association. The NBA has better players, bigger players, faster, stronger, etc. One reason is that kids here in China are made to study and are not allowed to play sports for the most part. So Americans excel in this area. The NBA is also big here. Couple this with the fact that a club team lost to Georgetown the night before, the fact that this team was basically a government team and all members were associated with the People’s Liberation Army, and Chinese culture and you have a team that does not like to lose or look foolish. Also the fact that Georgetown is a college team and the Bayi Rockets is a Chinese CBA team. So it’s an ok American college team vs a professional Chinese basketball team. Think about that.. It would be like a little league team beating up on a high school team. Of course the high school team is going to feel like they should be better.. Now, they were tied apparently when the fight ensued. But that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t something already going on in the head of the gentlemen that started the altercation.

So what caused it? Well in my opinion it was the fact that Chinese believe that they have arrived on the worldwide stage. Sports included. You watch the Olympics? Yeah, the Chinese are so proud about their athletes. Which is a good thing. But what isn’t is not being able to lose, be outdone, out foxed, and or out gunned. I don’t know if this is what caused the basketball brawl, but I wouldn’t be surprised. Hell I could be entirely wrong. It’s just the first thing that came to my mind when I watched the video. Also it was a CBA team. They are the professional league in China. They probably feel that they also have arrived. Maybe even as good as an American NBA team.

Chinese people don’t like to be confronted, put down, shown up, etc. Read: lose face. So when in a sporting event where there has to be a loser, and one of the teams has been playing basketball for over 80 years (not sure how long basketball has been in the States) and the other is a new comer, but the new comer doesn’t like to lose, be shown up, etc. There is bound to an altercation.

It happens in America too. Sporting event fights. It’s not just between cultures.

But what doesn’t happen is the entire team ganging up, throwing chairs, sitting on a players chest and punching him in the face, etc.

So yeah. Just some thoughts. I could be over thinking this a tad. But I just get the feeling that it had something to do with something about the above. Anyway they are supposed to play again tonight.. Could be something to watch during my weekly foot rub..

Last night you while you were sleeping the world was turning. You open your eyes, fold the covers over and sit on the edge of your bed. You stare down at your feet. You wonder to yourself what your feet looked like 37 years ago. Your knees crack as you attempt to sit up, an exciting youth makes for lazy knees. You squint as the morning light glares off your pupils.

You move your feet one by one. Placing the left in front of the right. So on and so fourth. You open the bathroom door and turn on the light. You can hear the flickering of the greenish florescent light. You see your face. You haven’t shaven in a few days. You pick up your toothbrush and start the today because today is just another day.

The water rushes over the colored bristles. Washing away the used toothpaste. Spiraling and snaking it’s way around the drain just like a circle of life goes round and round.

Your wife screams. The rushing water seems even faster now. The toothbrush bounces off the floor, landing in a dust bunny.

She is sitting on the side of the bed. Clutching her stomach and staring at you as run in. Her facial expression says it all. The neurons in your brain seem to all fire at once. But they are in sync. You know exactly what to do. It may be early, but it’s been a long time coming.

You’ve known for over half a year that this day would come. The day your wife would have to go to the hospital. This past week you’ve thought about it a lot. What you would do, how you would feel. More importantly you thought about the love of your life. The girl you met those years ago. The girl with the vigor for life. The girl that became a women and took your hand in marriage. What is she thinking, feeling, is she hurting, or is she thinking about you and how you feel.

You throw the bags in the car and race off. The country-side races by as you concentrate on getting to the hospital. Time slows.

She can still walk but just barely. She uses you as a crutch as you both walk into the hospital. Arm in arm you arrive.

The doctors say that everything is as can be expected. They have done this many times before they say, but the words don’t hold the weight that they should. You watch as you wife’s face slowly departs and drifts down the hallway on the wave of a hospital bed.

By the way you are pacing there should be a trail worn into the floor of the waiting room. Hours go by. The sweat drips from your forehead as you glance at your watch. The double doors open and there they are. She left as one but has returned as two.

You have never seen such beauty. The glow they give off is unparalleled. Your wife tells you to come over. Your heart races, your feet barely move, your palms are sweaty, and your breath barely escapes your exhaling lungs. She takes your hand, squeezes it tight. You can’t stop looking at him. Such a small thing. Tiny, delicate, a blank slate to the world. You look over at you wife who is crying, you then look back at your son. You’ve waited 9 months to see his face, and there he is, all 6 lbs.

You take a dry towel and immerse it in a nuke warm tub of water. Saturating it. You lift it out and twist it into a knot like shape. Wringing the extra water out. The water makes a playful splashing sound as it returns to the tub. You take your wife’s arm and gently wipe the sweat from it. It’s been merely hours. Your son is resting peacefully by her side. Every so often kicking his feet and batting his arms.

You’ve never seen your wife this beautiful. She has joined the club of motherhood. Just as your mother did when she gave birth to you. You lay her hand back down and pat the sweat from her forehead. Your wife’s eye’s close.

The nights are short, the sleep is even shorter. Two by two the blocks of hours go by. The hospital chair couldn’t be much more uncomfortable. But you are optimistic, tomorrow you go home.

Last night you while you were sleeping the world was turning. You open your eyes, fold the covers over and sit on the edge of your bed. You stare down at your feet. You wonder if his feet will look like your feet in 37 years. Your knees crack as you attempt to sit up. You can hear the faint sound of squirming. You squint as the morning light glares off your pupils.

You turn and see your wife sleeping peacefully with your son by her side. Looking around the room in wonder. His miniature fingers gripped into a fist. He looks up and sees you. His grayish eyes fixated in a stare. He smiles and shakes his head. You can’t help but smile yourself. As you do your wife’s eyes open. She sees you looking at your son, she smiles.

This is now a normal morning. And you like it.

Congratulations my friend.

You have now joined the club of fatherhood. A club where fishing, bikes, snakes, and planes exist. A place where the wildest imaginations run wild. Your son, a bridge between two sides of the world, will be your apprentice. A blank slate to everything, including language. Teach him well.

I congratulate the three of you, perhaps one day, I will be as fortunate.

This guy was chilling while I rolled by on my way back from lunch. I had to get a photo. He seemed pretty chill. Just hung out while I did my thing. I’m pretty sure a delivery guy ran him over right after I started walking away.. Well, at least he will forever be immortalized here on Pudding and Chopsticks.com

I usually always have a camera. At least a point and shoot anyway.

So I captured a few photographs that I thought were cool. Check’em out.

From inside my apartment complex during sunset.. Busy with activity. People running over people with scooters. Kids running around.. You know, normal activities.

Some dude doing something with a few long poles. I’m not sure what. But note the trash on the seaweed or algae. Yep, that’s China.

This is a common scene at Starbucks. Well, I probably should be more specific. This is a common scene at a Starbucks at a high-end mall. Everyone is buried into a smart phone, iPad, or laptop. Letting their kids run loose and do whatever they wish. Really people. This place is going to go down hill fast. Just think when this kid grows up. He already does whatever he wants. Just think, he’ll get his first car, probably an expensive Porsche or something, then park it wherever he wants. Thus showing everyone how important he is..

Such is life in China.

Fire from what I presume to be from a lightning strike. Makes since because it sprang about after a lightning storm… Logic people.. Use it..

Yeah that’s right. Two Porsche Boxsters parked in the middle of the road.. I really hate rich people. Do whatever they want..