Pudding and Chopsticks

Well, currently I have mounted myself in front of my mac, again, but only this time to watch some movies. I went and bought some movies this week but haven’t gotten a chance to watch them. I got Iron Man 2 (seen it once already). Yes folks, on dvd. I love you Phillip Morris, Avatar (seen it twice already), and a Chinese/Hong Kong flick called 爱情故事，or basic love. The girl at the store said it was good. But hey, who knows. My excuse for a chick flick, they talk slower in chick flicks and I need to practice. So there.

I just cracked me a soda pop and chips. Not really soda pop but really chips. Before I begin my conquest I would like to share a few things that have been on my mind this week.

I was walking when  guy on a bike come up behind me on the left, got just in front of me, hacked it right, cut me off to go to a place on the right. Gee you couldn’t of slowed down waited till I passed your planned trajectory and then hacked it over. Nope, got to cut someone off.

Our screen door that was just installed has a problem of coming off the track. Nothing new. Nothing really worked perfect here the first time around. The fix, or at least how I would of fixed it, level the bottom track and bring it up 2cm. Table saw, wood, level, done. The Chinese guys, stand around and talk about the problem. Explain to me the problem. Try to pack a bunch of caulk under the track to lift it up, tell me they can’t fix it. Well, at least they’ll have to come back, they’ve only been paid half. The lesson here, only pay half up front and never say ok..

I’ve bee watching all the more recent shows online. I have to say that The Pacific is brilliant. I love it. Not only because I digg, Tom Hanks and Spielberg, but the acting, effects, it’s unbelievably real. If this doesn’t open people’s eyes to war, then well, they are complete idiots.

Alright the soda pop is getting cold.

Peace.

Last night I’m 97.4% sure that a lightning bolt smoked one of the lightning rods on the building. Cause a bright flash and a thunderous crack that set off most all of the car alarms.

Ok, down to business. With the whole face thing, remember? One of the ways someone shows social status is to flip money. I’m not sure if it’s done on purpose or if it’s a subconscious thing. But this is how it’s done. Let’s say that I am at McDonalds and I am with a hottie that I picked up at the club. We are getting some after club fries or something. How do I impress this girl, easy, when I have to pay for my 8$ fries I fling a 100$ bill at the employee like I wipe my butt with them. Oh, what’s this, a 100$ bill, junk, I didn’t know I had that, oh well, who cares. That’s right honey, I just flung the biggest bill you can have in China to pay for our golden hot 8$ fries. How about you come to papa..

Old women do it, men do it, kids do it. I think partly because they aren’t taught values that westerners are taught, and thus don’t move their hand another 3 inches and partly because it shows that money has no meaning to them. Therefore they are swimming in piles of it at home.

Even though it may be the last dollar in their pocket, they’ll still cart wheel that bad boy like they’re going to the strip club with a thousand dollars in ones.

I bring this up because I saw an old women today at the store count out 6 bills or so. She flung each one on the check out counter and the cashier picked up each one after it fell. Totally normal. But, I wonder if they think it’s weird, or they really like it, when I roll in and give then the exact amount all at one time and do it with a smile. Nah, probably think I’m crazy. Time to start flipping bills.

Well actually that’s what you are supposed to do and I feel like I am the only one in China that does it. Of course I value my life. It’s not like the Chinese don’t, they just tend not to look.

I’m at an intersection waiting for some cars to go by so that I may proceed in crossing the road in a safe manner. A group of people blow past me into the road without looking, the cars slows down, honk their horns, swerve, and go around. What did the group do, well, they keep talking and slowly walk to the other side. I waited 15 secs and proceeded on my marry way. Is this in indication of Chinese as a whole. I don’t have a clue. Maybe.

I hear a bunch of horns honking. I turn to see two cars turning out of a side street. They are waiting to turn right. There are cars coming from the left but they can’t see them because a massive dump truck wants to turn right down the side street. However there isn’t enough room for the two vehicles side by side. So the car turning out has to do so first. But the dump truck driver doesn’t seem to want to wait. He’s on the horn like it helps fight malaria, inching closer and closer to the car. The car finally just goes. I don’t understand why the dump truck driver couldn’t just put his turn signal on and wait on the side of the road for the cars to exit and then turn in. Makes perfect sense to me.

I’m at McDonalds getting myself the goodness of a Chocolate Sunday. I roll up and wait behind some people in line. A few girls roll up, don’t even look at me, and proceed to talk about menu and cut. I have to basically dry hump the people in front of me to get an elbow in so that these girls don’t take my spot. I then stare them down. They see me and act surprised like oh, didn’t see you there, the only white guy in 25 miles, with a lime green shirt, and is taller then most everyone in here. My bad, please order your ice cream goodness.

Oh I got more. Somewhere, I just can’t recall. Oh here’s one. I was looking at soda today at the store and I hear a “hello.”  Some Chinese guy thought it would be funny when he was passing the isle to say the only English word he knows how to say.

As I was coming out of the store a couple cute girls where walking down the mall area. One happened to see me and totally stopped and told her friend. I am assuming that she said “Oh my goodness, look at this hunk of a white guy coming towards us.” I can only speculate. When I reached them, they were still staring. I couldn’t help it. I had to say something. “Oh my god, a foreigner is coming,”  I think I might of blew their minds. He speaks. AHHHHH.

Well anyway.

I got to brain storming the other day about what has happened in the last year. I have compiled a list of things that I have used or haven’t done. If that makes since. Ok here we go.

I never lived in a building with an elevator before coming to China. I have lived in one for the past year.

I’ve eaten one quarter of a box of mac and cheese in the last year.

3-4 grilled cheeses.

I haven’t had a glass of real chocolate milk for the past year.

I’ve used 2.2 tubes of Carmex in the last year.

I haven’t watched an entire American tv show live.

I’ve almost been hit by a car several times.

I’ve heard the Black Keys once in a bar, The Chili Peppers several times.

I’ve heard a band play Metallica’s Sad But True in a bar live.

I’ve eaten one apple fritter.

Bought one phone.

Eaten pig intestines, dog, brain, etc, etc.

And the mother of them all. I haven’t talked to a white girl (western) in a year. Yes I’ve talked to my mother. But in person, I haven’t met another white girl. I’ve met Russians, Koreans, Chinese, Philippians, Taiwanese.  It’s kind of a weird thing to think about. That really, I’ve only talked to Asian girls for the past year. Crazy. Anyway.

Ok, things that are going to happen when I get home to visit.

I am going to have my mom make, bread, cookies, cinnamon rolls.

Going to eat venison, a long john, steak and potatoes.

Pizza, and whatever else I haven’t had.

Haha. Good times.

Things that I might possibly get in trouble for.

Spitting on the street. Noises while you eat. Drinking beer in public. I’m sure there are more. I just can’t remember.

Anyway. Good times.

Well, it’s been almost a year here in China. I believe it will be a year on May 11th. If I remember correctly. So, to do something with that I intend to write or start writing everyday. One, to inform my wonderful parents of their sons exploits, and two, to jog my brain every morning so that I am actually productive.

Today’s topic. Waiting.

This in one thing that I am learned while living here. Actually it’s one of the first things that you learn if you spend anytime here. You wait. There are times where the speed will just about break your neck off. Fast food, good fast food, taxi drivers, buying things with cash. Most of the time all super fast. But there are also other times where things grind to a halt. Why, well, it depends. Let me explain.

Situation one:  The “we have it hold on” thing. There are time where you might need something, you bring the part, like a power adapter and roll into a computer mall. You ask whomever you feel wont try to rip you off. He says, yep have it. You then ask if you have the exact one. Yep have it. Ok, then he says hold on and takes off for 10 minutes. In fact he didn’t have it. He knew someone that did but he had to go find them, buy it, and then come back to resell it to you. Do you have to wait, yes. Lesson learned, ask him to see it now, if not, bail and find a new place. Unless you have time to wait. This situation isn’t that big of a deal. Not of high consequence.

Situation number two: The ” yeah yeah no problem.” I’ve run into one a few to many times. This most likely comes down to face and the fact that the place you are at or are dealing with wants to look as good as possible. It’s goes like this. I have a foot massage about every other day. I’ve been going to the same girl for a week or two now. Before you gang up on me and get all agro that i get massages a lot, understand this, yes it is a massage, but also a Chinese lesson and speaking practice. Along with getting out of the house. I have a girl that I like. Shes cute and her Chinese is pretty good. So I stay with her. I would like to speak Chinese like her. I can understand her so we can have actual conversations. 80 minutes is 45 and 140 is 68. So, about 6 bucks to 10 USD. Not bad for a Chinese lesson. I go there and ask for her. Sometimes she is busy and I have to wait. Other times I just roll in and go to work. The other day I went in, the first thing I did was ask for her. Because if she’s not free I leave. They know me now and know what I want. I ask, they find out. Come back at 9:30. I say ok. They proceed to spit a bunch of Chinese out that I don’t quite understand. What I think they were saying is that they can call me and let me know or something like that. I had to tell them that if I say that I will be back at 9:30, I will be back at 9:30. Most of the time people won’t show back up.

So what do I do, I show back up at 9:30. I get a room, start watching tv and a dude comes in. He says sorry she won’t be free for another hour. I ask well, why did you tell me 9:30 if it’s she wasn’t going to be free till 10:30. He went on to say sorry, sorry, and what not. I bailed all pissed off. I can’t stand this. It comes down to this. If they say 10:30 maybe I look down on them. They loss face. Now who knows, maybe her client at the time changed his mind. I don’t know. But don’t tell me something if your not sure.

People here always shave time. Oh no problem. We can change your oil in 3 minutes. Because we want you to come here and give us your money, after you do you’ll have to wait and can’t do anything about it.

Anyway, I got more stories but I just can’t remember them. If I do I’ll make sure and blog about them.

Awesome.