Pudding and Chopsticks

This past week I haven’t done much. Disapointing I know. But I suppose this is what happens when you move somewhere. Eventually you just become acustomed to everything. So until I think of something here are some photos.

Convex mirror awesomeness.

BBQ.

Corn puff looking deal. Was actually bread or something. C+ for effort.

This dude was getting some is his three wheeler tractor.. Yea..

Food.

XiTa . Got to love the Korean part of town..

Sun.

Coffin hole in the road.. Interesting..

Mass transit..

Really mass transit. Maybe the US should get in on some of this..

When you demolish a building here in China you actually recycle things like: Tile, metal, wood, glass, etc.. Unlike America who has a thing for blowing things up.. Don’t get me wrong I like to blow things up but really. Lets try to save something next time.

Hot ride.

Back alley cat.

Sidewalk.

So I haven’t written in awhile. Why, not sure. Just not feeling motivated lately. Kinda bummed. Today I had a flash of inspiration with my washing machine. I haven’t blogged about it yet so I figured that I should.

This is the control panel on this beast. It’s got 4 buttons: One on, start/hold, and two program. It’s a hell of a machine. In fact I am pretty sure that it’s the first prototype of the first washing machine to hit mainland China. I should be so gracious.

Look at it. Man, it’s like a Ferrari sitting still, ready to take on scorpage of epic hotpot proportions. I had to jimmy the hose with a piece of tape so it wouldn’t drain all over the floor. I also had to ram the drain hose down the hole thing and rig it with a liter of water. Ironic, maybe. But this bad boy spins, shimmies, drains, it’s got it all.

So next time you ram your clothes into a washer in America just remember me, I can only fit two pairs of jeans in mine.. and have to wait days for them to dry.

There are many differences between girls in America and girls in China. The first couple that you notice is shoes and clothes. Mainly this: I can throw a rock from where I am standing and probably come within 3 meters of 500 girls all wearing a dress and high heels. In the states, not going to happen. I have always wondered why. Is it because girls in America want to be more masculine and not wear dresses? Beats me. I kind of like the fact that the girls here dress like a girl. Now yes you can debate the fact of what a girl is supposed to look like but from my perspective, dresses are awesome. As for the high heels, when it’s Friday night and the girls are getting ready to go out maybe they reach for the heels. In China, everyday every girl wears high heels. Weird, maybe. It’s interesting to say the least. I just thought of something. It could be the fact that most girls here are short. Thus wearing high heels makes them taller. Hey, that could be it.

Boring I know. I just don’t really know what to write about anymore. Anyone have any idea by all means let me know. For now here are some photos.

Another sunset in the city.

This was taken at about 3pm the other day. It started raining afterward.

The rain.

Walking down the street at night, drinking a Coke, and watching the locals. I think I paid about 29 cents for it.

Again, walking at night in the city. Lots of cool ally ways and lights.

Trash. Yes people this is wear you dump your trash. I’ve seen dudes shoveling soupy slop out of 55 gallon drums into the little shreds. Not quite the model of hygenic to say the least.

I’m not sure If I have written about this or not. Heck I can’t remember what happened yesterday. I think this has something to do with my superior intelligence. I can do massive calculations in my head but have the downfall of not remembering what I ate for lunch. All is well that ends well I guess.

So the topic of deortorant. Yes folks that’s right. No one in China uses this girlfriend getting product. I’ve met Chinese and Koreans that don’t even know what it is. When I explain it all I get is giggles. Go figure.

In case you were wondering if I use it, I do. I brought enough to last six months. At my current rate of consumption I should be able to stretch it out for ten if I am lucky. That’s when the parents come in. If I end up staying here for longer than six months and they ask me what I would like for Christmas, easy, ship me a case of deodorant please.

Yes, people stink because of the lack of anti-perspirants here. Is it the worst thing ever? Well, no, I’ve been to some bathrooms that put farms back home to shame. So it’s not that big of a deal. Unless of course you are hanging with an attractive female and she smells like she just got done running the 5K. Then we are going to have issues.

The heath and beauty area at the store has everything. Body wash, shampoo, conditioner, and all the name brand stuff, absolutely everything except deodorant. Weird. I know. Maybe this part of the world is allergic or something. Huh? So to put a long story short, you can’t find deodorant here, at all. Maybe just maybe in Beijing. I’m guessing. But maybe not.

This curtails into my next little topic of discussion. Armpit hair. I have it. I’m a guy. Guys have it. In America girls do not. Here, oh yeah you guessed it; girls got the bushes under the arms. Most girls are city and trim from time to time. Although every now and then you‘ll come across a backcountry girl. Get out the machete and start the trek through the Amazon. Is this gross, well, maybe. But when in China you have to expect the unexpected. So a little fuzz ditty fuzz under the arms is what it is. But if you can braid it into something and string a bead on it.. Bail.. son, bail….. Option “B,” get out the razor and show her what’s up, I highly encourage doing this to strangers. I’m sure they won’t fight you, but I’m no expert.

Did you check Facebook today? Well I tried and you know what, I can’t see it. Why? Because of this, there are riots in *orth *est *hina. Do you know how big of a deal Twitter, Facebook, Youtube has played in the elections in the Middle East? From what I have read it’s been a big deal. So I suppose that China didn’t want any of that. So they blocked everything so that no one could blog, write, or post video about what is happening up there. Got to love governments. I suppose that it’s not my place to say whether it should of should not have been blocked. But when you have had the freedom of looking at whatever you want it’s hard to be restricted to not looking at it so that the countries government can block information from it’s people. I can’t even see what people have written about Facebook being blocked. Seems when I click on something the internet slows down to nothing. How great is that. So remember the next time you get to chat on Facebook, see some photos, or wonder why I can’t update my status and talk about how I just did the moonwalk in front of a bunch of Chinese people. Well, it’s because I can’t, I don’t have the freedom to. Pretty lamo…

I have a tv. I do not have tv. I do have a dvd player. So with the cheapness of the dvds here I have been watching something that I should of started long ago. I’m going to get a told you so from someone in Colorado, but, Battlestar Galactica is straight up awesome. I watch it pretty much everyday. I miss the tv shows that I used to watch back home. Although most of them are in between seasons so it kinda works out. Not much to do lately. It’s been raining and foggy. Humid, etc.

And on another note, the people above me have decided to chisel their entire apartment with air hammers everyday, Good deal. I’m stoked.

Oh, and on another nother note, I don’t know if I mentioned this but I got to see Transformers 2 in a theater here. Movie was awesome. I sat in the middle of a theater of Chinese people. The interesting thing is that there where parts of the movie that I laughed at and everyone else didn’t. Funny. I guess that the Chinese don’t quite understand English humor. But they do understand one thing: Slow mo Megan Fox running shots. How could you not, they’re universally understood.

I just have a couple of random thoughts that are bouncing around in my head. First, last night was the fourth of July and I went out and had some soda pops with some homies. Not a bad way to spend the Fourth. The real thing I wanted to talk about was the fact that I got home at 6 this morning and had to hear jack hammering the entire time I slept. From 8am till I left at 4pm today. What is up with that? It’s Sunday people. Take a break from remodeling your stupid apartment, that happens to be next to mine and let me freaking sleep for once. Dang.

The next thought I had was this. I remember when I was a kid and my mother would hang clothes outside to dry. Not sure why. I think we had dryers back then. Heck I’m not that old. Well, I have a washer that’s pretty ghetto but no dryer. I have to hang my clothes out to dry in my apartment. How do I do this? Well I could go to the local market place and buy a rack thing for 200元, but nope, I didn’t want to spent the money. So I came up with a genius thing. I took my photography background stand and poles and fashioned one up MacGyver style. For free. Yeah I know, I’m cheap. Oh yeah, I remember my reason for bringing this up. Jeans take forever to dry. Remember that little gem it might come in handy some day.

Lastly, I have a couple holes in my jeans. Ok, not that big of a deal. But I like these jeans. We have been through a lot together. Michigan, Colorado, China, California. They’re pretty much like my best friend. They take care of me, protect me, hold me, love me, they do a lot for me. I do a lot for them too. Mainly washing them, and every once in awhile caressing them with my hands. We have a relationship built on love. So what am I to do? I got two holes in the front where the pockets are. I suppose that I will try to pull them off as vintage. I mean really I have had them for 6 years. I think. You know what, I don’t even remember how I got them. Huh? Beats me. Either way, yeah, I have a pair of jeans with some holes in them. I like it. It makes me look cool. I also wanted to comfort those who also have holes in their jeans. You know, I could start a support group. That could be good. On second thought. Nah..

It’s kinda weird not being in the States for the fourth of July. But you know, I still get to stay in touch. I kinda miss …. well lets just leave it at that. There are many things that I did back home that I probably could get in trouble for. But anyway here I am in China. No fireworks, although I could go get some for cheap and light them off in the middle of the street and no one would blink an eye. But no, I am going to blog and tell you about a slice of Chinese life that I experienced the other day.

A pal and I were walking down a popular street the other day. It occurred to us that this street has a Dairy Queen on it. We bee lined for it and the air conditioning that it contained. Anyone that has gone to DQ with myself knows that I don’t joke around when it comes to my Oreo Blizzard. This is serious stuff. Since there is no way in H that I can say Oreo Blizzard in Chinese I had my pal order some. Big ones. I can remember hitting up A-basin the first month it was open and shredding the only hill in North America that had snow. My fellow Vail people and I would then hit up DQ for some much needed calcium. Ahh the good days in Colorado. Anyway, back to DQ in China. A large in China is a small in America. This sucks, but is also good. America is fat people. It’s true. Why, well, because when you order a large in America it comes in a 5 gallon bucket. Awesome… but not so awesome, if you know what I mean. So we took our Blizzards and had a seat in the back of the seating area near the bathrooms. Nice spot, cold air. About half way done with my little slice of heaven I noticed a mom holding a kid up to the sink. I could only see their back sides. Probably just washing his hands. The sink was pretty high. She then set him down and he looked like he wiped his hands on the front of his pants. Not big deal, do it all the time. Oh wait nope, he’s not done washing his hands, she lifts him back up and then I noticed it. He was actually peeing in the sink. His mom was holding him up to the sink so that he could them pee into it. I suppose that the bathrooms that were 5 ft from then were out of service somehow. Nice little slice of life in China, huh? It’s a little better then the clothes little kids wear with holes in the butt so that they can pop a squat next to a tree and do work while their mom looks on. Got to love it.

I leave you with a little roadside Chinese wisdom.. Happy fourth everyone. Stay safe, have fun, get out the welding gases.. Shhh. I didn’t say that.

Peace.

So here are some random photographs that I just haven’t gotten around to putting up yet.

Amway. Oh Amway. I lived oh, say, 15 minutes from the world headquaters of “Amway.” I also have a considerable amount of family members working there. I knew that they were bigger in Asia. Aparently so. They make cleaning supplies, make-up, ects.. Nice.

This place has some awesome food. They also cook with their shirts off. Well at least they weren’t sweating.. or are they? Oh whatever.

A little night construction. Nice. Hard hats optional.

I am always on the look out for China’s oldest bike. I come to the conclusion that it’s like looking for a grain of salt on a beach. All the bikes are old here. In fact I’m kinda in the market for two wheeled transportation myself. The only problem is I don’t think they sell new bikes here.

Again, if you have a question about what goes on here in the PRC drop me a line and I will do a little blogging about it. Although if you ask me how much hookers are I might just send you a personal email. Ta ta for now.

homer (at) pudding and chopsticks (dot) com