Pudding and Chopsticks

I always wondered what you received after you had your 50th post on a blog. Well, apparently nothing.. But that’s ok, I am well into becoming famous with this whole blog thing. I think I just need to wait it out for a few more weeks until Apple comes a knocking at my door to give me free things to test and advertise on my blog. Ah, the good life. Today is going to be a pretty chill day. Not much happening. I was looking back at some photos and found some of a bowl of chicken soup. In America chicken soup is one of those things that you eat when you are sick or it’s rainy outside or cold. Pretty much the same here. Except for one thing. Chicken soup in the can is ok for Americans, but for these lean mean Chinese and Korean machines they need a little more. This soup contains a freaking baby chicken in it. Well it may be a grown up chicken but it fits in the bowl whatever it is. Nice. It’s pretty good. Although something didn’t really agree with me. Probably not going to be able to eat it again. But whatever, it was good the first time.

I just threw this in there.. It’s an army of taxi cars. Not uncommon.

This stuff is hot. Really, temp wise. It was still boiling when I got it. Check the little chicken inside. Good stuff.

Ahh.. a little wishbone. I saved it, put it on my window along my bed. The next morning I made a wish and snapped it. … Nope not famous yet..

Last year in August sometime I started to notice that I couldn’t see things. This is a bad thing for a photographer of sorts. I had planned a trip home to do, well I forget what I was doing, oh yeah, wait, nope, I don’t remember. Anyway, I found out that I was still on my parents insurance. This was awesome. I went for my first ever eye exam and found out that I had less than hawk eyesight. Disappointing to say the least. It was a small prescription. The doc lady was even surprised that I noticed that small of a prescription. But of course I had to inform her of my super perceptive abilities. So I got glasses. I kind of wanted them so I could finally become a legit nerd. I was stoked, I got some, and they were wrong. I had to have them remade. Unfortunately I was going back to Colorado. They remade them and sent them to me via the slowest mode of communication ever: The United States Postal Service.  Which, weird enough, I heard was going to go under.

Ocean

The old glasses.. I can get new lenses for 40 bucks Chinese or if you’re keeping track, $5.84 American.

I received the package and ripped open the box ready to parade around in my new geek fashion and bam, they were wrong again. This, is not good. My parent’s insurance expired and luckily I started getting it through my employment in Vail. Nice. I had my glasses checked and sure enough they were right.. Wait what..? I had my eyes checked and bingo, the place that I had gone in Michigan had messed up my eye exam, which led to me having the wrong prescription for my glasses. I had a choice get new glasses or contacts. I could see with the glasses so I chose to get contacts. Which by the way are awesome. I waited a month or two until I went back to the mitten for a wedding. I then took my glasses back to the place that made them and told them what was up. They said ok and remade them for the third time. Radical, but they were wrong again. F that. That place pretty much sucks. In any case I gave up. So I was stuck with a pair of glasses where I could kind of see better with them, until now.

Yes folks, I got new glasses today. I spent the entire sum of 8.77$ US. You heard it right. 60 bucks RMB or $8.77 American. Oh this is going to be awesome. They checked my eyes with a cheap looking eyeglass set deal and made them in less then 20 minutes. This could be bad. I didn’t even have them in my hands yet and I started scheming as to why I need 5 more pairs. In other words I am going to have an army of prescription glasses because I can. Ready to do war with a world of colors.

The new cheap glasses. Yes, they probably with shatter when I drop them. But really, I just spent 9 bucks on glasses. In Vail that’s a Big Mac Meal people.

So the moral, summary, conclusion of the story is: Look out ladies… here comes a super nerd with a needlessly huge collection of glasses for every occasion..

It doesn’t get much better then a good old heaping spoonful of some MSG. Or for those who don’t know the scientific term: Monosodium glutamate. I didn’t know much about this little gem until I moved to this here China. MSG is, well, in a lot of food here. Heck I wouldn’t be surprised if they sold it in bags like sugar. Whether it’s good or bad, hell, I don’t know.. Wikipedia says a bunch of junk. Not many photos to look at so I pretty much didn’t read it. You can find it here: But nevertheless I have heard of headaches, hair falling out, growing extra toes, you know, pretty much the same old same old. It’s found in a bunch load of foods in America as well. Ha, you Americans thought you dodged a bullet. Sorry, you’re in the same boat that I am..

They market this lovely little thing as a flavor enhancer and aparently enhances appetite, binging, awesomeness. Either way, these spices here were mighty tasty, MSG and all.

Oh, and in case you are blind please turn you attention to the little crystal looking tubes of death amonst the delicate Asian spices. Next thing on you agenda is to get some news glasses.

I went and saw Transformers last night. It was good, but…

We arrived at the theater and got our tickets. There was only two left in the English version of the movie. Got our sucky free soda and headed in. I took my assigned seat after a family moved their entire life possessions from it. I sat down and began to enjoy the eye candy. Then a phone rang next to me, it was some lady’s. She grabbed it, and I thought, great turn that p.o.s. off so I can enjoy giant robots shooting each other and slow motion running shots of girls, but nope, she answered it and chatted for a minute or two. Awesome. I wish I could speak Chinese.

The movie wasn’t that bad. I remember two cgi affects that didn’t seems real as the other ones. I also remember a dubbed voice about swine flu that had to of been just thrown in there. But whatever. The story was ok.. I mean really how are you going to write a compelling story and then add enough effects to throw old ladies into mouth foaming convulsions and expect us to be compelled. But all and all it was ok. despite the fact that I had a kid next to me that couldn’t help not talk to his mom about something for the entire movie. Man, I need to learn Chinese.. Just think, then I can tell people to shut the F up during a movie, and to turn there dang phone off. Well, I better get studying.

So one of the first things that you notice when you get to China, besides the ass smell, is the fact that all the electricity is 220 volts instead of 120. Now some of you may know nothing about this. I was lucky enough to be electrocuted several times. That and I have a dad that taught me a few useful things. If you read the plug boxy thing on most devices, that need to be plugged into the wall, it will say what you can use as far as input voltage goes. My Apple: 100~240v. Clutch.. 220v falls in between these parameters. Now the walkie talkies I brought here last year, they however did not fall in between the stated guidelines. Thus the charger is sitting somewhere doing nothing. Fried.

Dryers, washers, and people into bondage use 220v in America. In China, microwaves, tvs, coffee brewing machines, lights, shavers, phones, pretty much everything runs on 220v which makes them twice as awesome. The bug zapper that runs on 220, pretty much boss. Not only for the fact that I can here is snap from 50 ft away but because I can only imagine what it is doing to those poor little Malaria carrying buggers. Bam… poof.. insert comic sounds bubbles here.

A fruit stand. For all those times where you been drinking too many soda pops and need to munch on something.. Yes people, believe it or not, powered by 220 volts of clean burning coal.. Well at least the 220 is true.

A little construction.. Hard hats, of course, are optional.

So me and a homeboy were rolling down the street like a couple of thugs would and came across this little gem. Yes folks, I am pretty sure that this is Mao’s old ride. Just look at this rolling piece of precision machinery. Totally boss. Although Mr. Mao guy died in 76′ this bad boy has to be that old. The radio probably has been replaced. Did they have AM/FM in 76. Hell I don’t know. It’s been upgraded to a tape deck. Looks like it has fast forward and even the setting where you don’t have to flip the tape over. No expenses spared. For those who need glasses there is a massive clock. Perfect for keeping you eyes on the road, just like even one does here in China. As you can see from the over all view shes missing one flag pole on the front fender. That’s ok.. She’s got some rust, she may be limping a bit but you roll up to the KTV in this bad boy.. Their going to pay you to sing Billy Jean. The hood dealy a bob is pretty dope. If you are in any way affiliated with a gang that uses red as its color, for example the “communist party”, then this car is for you.

So the moral of the story is: If you like rolling on white walls, red plastic, a little rust, and three on the tree, then I suggest you fly over here and offer the guy a few hundred RMB. A bargain for this historical item. Own a piece of history today. Although getting it back to the states would be a problem though. I highly doubt it floats.

Get work done son… In this hoopla..

Bench seat.. Hello ladies… Got to love that..

HongQi.. Yeah Baby.

I always ponder things. Like, why is the sky blue, why are there orange frogs, why does it hurt when you get hit with a bb gun. You know the important stuff. Well one thing that I have often thought about is: How do they get the beer from the brewery to the store? Well today folks, I will answer that question and nothing more. I recently went to the market that contained everything electronic and radio controlled. That’s where I spotted her. A little r/c old school semi. Yes people this is how they get PBR to the store. They have an army of these cute little things with an equal number of people standing behind them with remotes and a back pack full of D size batteries. I have finally figured out how they get this nectar, this holy water, this heavenly beer from the vats that produce her life giving qualities to my local watering hole, r/c semi trucks. I can sleep at night again.

Just look at her… Such a beaut…

Check that one off the list.. You’ll thank me later.

I admit, I haven’t written in awhile. But the good news is that I have found more things to write about. Yes people, I walked down a street dedicated to the sale of prostitution. And boy it was a buyers market. It was flooded with options, which if I remember right, means that you can pretty much negotiate a fair price. I mean it is supply and demand.

Now before you get your skivvies in a bunch nothing happened. I just used that shameless little teaser to get your attention so that I may write something you really don’t give a rat’s ass about. Which, if you really think about it, a rats ass is pretty much useless. Unless of course you eat rats, then they are pretty important.

Onward.

The idea of eating in a cafeteria is not the most intriguing of ideas in the states. I wonder if it spurs from the horrible lunch at the schools when we were kids. Not sure. Actually I liked lunch at high school. Admittedly I usually ate some cookies and chocolate milk, my lean mean defensive line machine needed it to successfully bring people to their knees. In other words I was just listening to my body. Can’t go wrong with that can you? But here in China cafeterias are pretty much boss. Good food, lots of people to stare at, and stare at you, and plenty of seating. Unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to take any photos of the surrounding area, but I did get a chance to take a picture of the goods that I was consuming.

What we have is some sort of chicken with sauce. Along with rice and leaks. The chicken, awesome. The rice, awesome. The leaks, awesome. The sauce, awesome. You know what else was awesome, the eggplant. All I remember about eggplant is that it’s this nasty ass thing that looked like an alien that just got Rite died black but didn’t quite stay in the boiling water long enough.  I may of shot it with a shotgun back home, but eat it, that’s a negative there Houston. This eggplant was like a foot massage on your tongue. But without the hot ass water and the oil stuff and, now that I think about it, the cute Asian going to town on your feet. Ok fine it may be nothing like a foot massage but it’s about 9% there.

The only problem with this is the fact you can not woof it down. Unless you want to loose a tooth. Why, well it’s probably the fact that here in the Middle Kingdom they don’t take any of the bones out of anything. Yeah, lovely, I know. So you must negotiate the meat from the bones. In this case it was pretty easy. I just handed the bones a few bucks and they seemed happy. I must apologize it was so long ago that I don’t remember what it tasted like. But if you take anything from this just remember. It was awesome. Tender chicken, succulent sauce, luscious eggplant, ravishing rice… The only thing I was missing was an old Chinese guy cleaning my ears with metal instruments.. Next time, next time.

And in case you are kinda pissed at me for not doing a story on the hooker street. Well stay tuned you never know.

Hey Dad, Happy Fathers Day.