Pudding and Chopsticks

So this is a little interesting piece of advise that no one tells you about before you come to China. When you are on vacation here you don’t really get to experience it but when you live and work here everyday you do.

Time spent not at work. It’s better for foreigners but for Chinese, or at least some of them it’s not really “their” time. I guess it has something to do with powerful people wanting to control everyone. Really I have no idea where this comes from. But here goes.

In the States, at least in my personal life and the people I know, when you are punched out you are done. That’s it. But here in China it’s not.

For instance, your boss want’s to treat everyone to dinner. It is strongly advised you go. Yes this happens in other countries including the States but it seems that here it’s really strongly advised. If not you are disrespecting him. Work could very well become harder and that raise, or promotion could be a long ways out. I guess all the jobs and people I met when I was in the States, wouldn’t put a employee in this position. I would also say that it maybe kinda illegal. But I can’t be sure on that. I’m sure it happens though.

I’ve known a few girls here that I have had big issues with. I say big but it’s par for the China course. I have made plans with them, days or hours in advance only to have them, at the last minute, sometimes while I was coming to get her, changed because their boss called a meeting. An off work hours meeting at the last minute and then dinner or some junk. Happens an awful lot.

Take last night for example. I had plans with a girl that I have been out with before. I dig her. She’s not really like most Chinese girls. But that would make sense because most normal Chinese girls would be caught hanging with a foreigner (more on that later). So we make plans to have dinner. I want to take her to this sushi place. It’s the best Japanese place in town that I know of. The day before we had to cancel our plans so this is like a make up game type of thing. Everything’s set. I then get a text saying that she has to cancel because her school has a meeting that she needs to go to. This really chaps my ass. Why can’t anyone tell anyone ahead of time. But that’s not China. We bounce texts back for a few minutes and she decides that she will not go. She had already made plans with me and she is going to stick with them. This is a good sign from a relationship point of view.

Anyway I rush home to get changed, and start heading out the door when she says that her manager wants to take her out to dinner. I was like what? You have plans. But this is China.. so plans, aren’t really plans. I do not want to meet anyone. Not to sound like some kind of hermit or bad person, but it’s tiring. Meet new Chinese guy it’s always the same thing and nothing to talk about. NBA, what you don’t watch it, but you are American. Nothing in common. They want to show me their wealth and what not. I don’t like it. Maybe if I would find some snowboarding, skateboarding, or some other alternative sport people here we could have something to talk about. But for the most part, I find it all too weird to sit down with new people here. In a intimate area, not like a bar. I then have to speak a second language in front of strangers, it’s freaky. This is besides the fact that most just want to see a white guy, or talk to one, or use English, or etc..I’ll get asked a bizzillion questions about where I am going to live and why I live her and they’ll probably totally c*ck block me. Good chance of that. Seen it happen. Chinese guys get awfully competitive around foreigners and really don’t like them taking “their” women. Again, seen it. Not saying all are like that but I’ve seen a few.

She wanted me to come and join them. I hemmed and hawed, why, because usually it’s because the Chinese guy wants to show off that he has money and can buy the white guy dinner or some BS. Had this happen a few times. It gives them instant respect to be seen with a white guy and all that bull s. Ok so maybe I’m making the white guy thing a big deal, but it’s surely not because he wants to know me. He doesn’t know who I am. I guess living here makes you suspect of everything and that puts negative thoughts in peoples heads. So of course I think he wants something..

So I go. Only because I wanted to see her and make her happy.  And when I arrive she says we can site at a different table. Which is weird because uh, why did you go to dinner with him and his daughter if you can site at a different table with me.

Anyway things turned out ok, but she dissed her boss which I feel bad about. We sat separate from them which meant that I didn’t want to sit with them which was a disrespectful move. But whatever.

She told me that she was waiting for the bus to come and meet me when her manager saw her. He asked her to come to dinner, she said she had plans with someone, the guy of course said to bring them along. I guess that he is a good person. I don’t know. Either he is a really good person and just wanted to take some people out to dinner or he wanted to flaunt his wealth. Maybe not consciously but that’s how it’s done here from what I can tell. Anyway, I guess I will probably never know.

But from my point of view he should of backed down after she said she had a prior engagement, this would be respecting her. But she felt so pressured into going with him that she also dragged me into it. But at least she knows that it’s a bad thing. I told her I understood but asked her how she was supposed to have her own life if she has to do these sort of things. What if she was married. Her response.. but he’s my boss.

Classic China. Not hating, just writing it like it see it.